life as we know it...

life is good, even though it's not perfect

2012-01-21T10:40:00.001-07:00

Life is good. Today I have been thinking about all of the blessings in my life. Really there are to many to mention in this post, but the one blessing in my life I will talk about is Christopher. Christopher has been the best thing to happen in my life. Not to down play all my blessings but Christopher is my best friend. He knows me so well; better then I know myself; which many times freaks me out and can frustrate the hell out of me (he can read me like a book). He has been my best Advocate, besides Jesus. He wants me to be happy. He is my best friend. So even when I am looking around and thinking, things are such a mess, right in the middle of it all is my Best Friend, Christopher, standing there saying, it will be okay, we will get through whatever it is.

Day 6 - After the Test, on to real life

2011-11-19T18:23:00.001-07:00

Picture found http://wallpaperslot.com/wallpaper-the-last-rays-of-light-21660.php

If you had read my previous post, you would know that I was doing the Five Day Pouch Test, which is a five day diet (for the lack of a better word) for people that have had Weight Loss Surgery (WLS) but who have lost their way be incorporating foods into their diet that cause them to gain weight. It helps you get back on track.

Well, I went through the first two days of liquids and let me just tell you, that I survived! :-)

But, to the chagrin of my husband, by the end of each day I was irritable and ready to EAT! I didn't cave but I was SO ready for the third day which is soft protein (i.e. tuna and eggs). It was awesome to have food again! And it really did work. I am recognizing when I am full and I stop eating. I feel full but not stuffed, which usually makes me sick anyway. I am so happy! I feel in control and when you feel like other aspects of your life are completely out of your control (face it, most things in our lives are out of our control); it is so nice to feel in control of what you are putting into your body.

Not that it has been completely easy. This whole week has been laden with threats to my happiness. The very first day, I went to class and the professor decided to bring pie for the whole class! Really? Really Universe?! Then everywhere I went had candy just laying around, it was like freakin Halloween around me! But I didn't falter!

I then moved on to the fourth day which is Firm Protein (i.e. ground meat, halibut) and then the fifth day was Solid Protein (i.e. chicken, STEAK!). I also added steamed veggies because we shouldn't be living on meat alone! I have also been trying out different protein drinks and some of those things are disgusting! What are people thinking making items so gross that people can't actually swallow the drink? But I have found a few that I can swallow and I am actually growing used to them and are starting to enjoy protein shakes (never in my life did I think I would say that.)

I am so proud of me and I have already lost weight (six pounds, even if it's water weight, it counts folks!).

So now I am eating smaller portions, less goodies and I feel overall better. Yay, for healthy living!

Below are tips that I think anyone should follow, WLS or not.

Eating Behaviors for Success: found at Dukehealth.org

Eat slowly and be aware of when you feel full. When you feel full, stop eating!
Chew, chew, chew! You need to make sure you chew your food very well before you swallow it. This makes it easier to digest and pass from your gastric pouch into your small intestine.
Drink enough fluid between meals to meet your fluid requirements. You need six to eight cups of fluid per day to prevent dehydration.
Avoid food and beverages high in sugar. High sugar foods can cause "dumping syndrome." After gastric bypass surgery, some people feel light-headed, sweaty, or faint soon after consuming concentrated sugar.
Limit high fat foods. These foods may make you feel nauseated. They are also high in calories and will slow down your weight loss. Using a low-fat, reduced-fat, or light version of a product is okay.

Day 1 - taking back control

2011-11-14T18:57:00.003-07:00

(Picture found at www.healthinmotion.wordpress.com)

So I have been feeling completely out of control with my eating. I eat almost anything and if it has chocolate in it, it's a no brainer and I eat it. Well, I just haven't been eating the way I should and it has cost me. I have gained a ton of weight over the last 4 years.

For those of you that didn't know, I went through Gastric Bypass Surgery, specifically Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass [RYGBP], back in 2000. I grew up overweight and everyday thought about how overweight I was and that I needed to lose weight. I went to doctor's and I went to dietitians and tried diets. But in the end, I decided to have surgery (which sounds nonchalant but really it took a few years, fights with insurance companies and real soul searching).

There are times when I regret having surgery and in some ways I am ashamed that I couldn't do it on my own. BUT I look at all of the wonderful things that I have experienced in my life and I can't help but think that if I hadn't done the surgery, I wouldn't have had those experiences. At the same time, who knows what I would have done and I have to live with my choices. I am a different person because of the surgery. And little do people realize that just because you have the surgery, it doesn't mean your problems are over. I didn't realize it either.

After surgery you have to relearn how eat. You are literarily like a baby, you start with liquids and then move to pureed foods and then to soft solids, and then firm solids. Through this process you lose a ton of weight. I lost over 100 pounds. But as in many things in life, you plateu and then your effort through healthy eating and exercise truly kick in. Well, I was good, exercising and eating well, but slowly I started to incorporate foods that I should not be eating, like carbohydrates and not the Good-for-you-Kind (fruit), but the kind that taste oh so good! (white bread anyone?!) And I also started to fall into old habits, like emotional eating. So after four years of this, I have gained a ton of weight back that I had originally lost.

I have reached a breaking point. I need to do something to better my body, mind and overall health. I am so unhappy with my body and there are no shortcuts, even with surgery. Just. Hard. Work. So here I am at what feels like square one. As I have been eating things that I shouldn't I have lost the feeling of my Pouch (the smaller stomach made by the surgery) and so this week I have started the Five Day Pouch Test. My hope is that I can get things under control and regain my life. Today is the first day and even though I feel at times hungry, I know that I am not and that it is my brain playing with me. It is so nice to have that distinction between real hunger and hunger induced because I am (Fill in the Blank, i.e. bored, sad, happy etc.)

This is Day 1 & 2 of the pouch test: (All information about the pouch test is from http://www.5daypouchtest.com/plan/days1_2.html)

"The first two days are all liquids. You can have as many low-carb protein shakes as you like to satisfy hunger or cravings. In addition drink at least six 8-ounce glasses of water each day. The purpose of all liquids is to break any snacking, grazing or processed carbohydrate habits. In addition the liquids will work to cleanse your system and prepare you for the following three days."

Day 1 down!

2011-10-27T18:52:00.002-06:00

Responsibility:

the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something

This definition of responsibility is a hard one because you are only human, you may eat a lot of crow. That has been my world for the past few months. Eating crow doesn't taste good, in fact it makes you not want to "eat" at all. The only thing that keeps me going is this knowledge: I am an honest person and am willing to be brave enough to admit mistake or error. I will do my best, and when my best isn't enough, I will admit and correct it. I do not try to deceive people or to hide things from people, if I make a mistake I will tell you (own it) and try to make it right. Unfortunately, some people can't accept your apology or willingness to make a correction. They do not accept the fact that you are human, that you may have been overloaded and instead come at you with every mistake and fault of you. They can't move on. Well, fortunately for me, I can move on because I have chosen too.

gratefulness

2011-10-09T22:04:00.000-06:00

There are many times in life when I need to be more grateful and I often wake up to it at the strangest moments, but at least I wake up to it.

I teach in primary a combined class of 6 to 7 year olds. They were on something today because it felt like the hour was going on forever.

But, as I was sitting there trying to keep them on point I felt a huge surge of Gratitude. I felt how the Lord loved each of these children and then I felt a ton of Love for me. I haven't felt that kind of Heavenly Love in a long time. And then I felt Grateful.

I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual... O how I laugh when I think of my vague indefinite riches. No run on my bank can drain it for my wealth is not possession but enjoyment.

Henry David Thoreau

decay

2011-06-13T05:02:00.000-06:00

Artwork by Niish

http://niish.deviantart.com/art/soul-decay-203215640

These last 7 to 8 months I have seen the decay of my belief in the thought that "people really are good after all." I try to be an honest person, I try to be loyal, patient and I generally give people the benefit of the doubt. Because I try to do and be these attributes, I naively think that others do the same. These last few months have taught me what greed, selfishness, deceit and lies can truly do, all in the name of "trying to open peoples eyes". I would ask, "Open peoples eyes to what? or Are you shielding people from what you truly are?"

Sorry if this is all too cryptic and kind of depressing, I am tired and its early morning, having been up since early AM. I have always read about this type of betrayal and deceit but I ALWAYS thought that people do not do that. I have often read of groups going against groups, I.E. gadianton robbers, but I wasn't willing to be a conspiracy theorist either. I have always wanted to believe that people are generally good people. But I have now seen first hand that when hurts, greed, and the desire for power what that can truly do to someones soul and the soul's of others.

How sad that in this world people are willing to be so angry and hurt to become deceitful and ruthless. My belief in Satan has increased. I know he is real. How thankful I am that I have a Savior. He gives me hope and strength to continue to believe in people. I may no longer be as naive as I once was, and even though I lose sleep and brain cells thinking about this, I know that these things will come to an end. I will sleep soundly again one day. At least my conscience will be clear, my soul in tacked.

fondly daydreaming

2011-02-15T12:56:00.002-07:00

Recently, I had a soft serve ice cream cone;a twist, no less. I haven't had one of these in years and it started me thinking of a time when I was younger. Ice cream cones were treats in my family growing up. We would go to Dairy Queen. On the way to the DQ we would sit in the back seat of our 1984 red Dodge Caravan and play Ice Cream Shop. It was totally unsafe, because we were not in our seat belts, but who cared when we could play?! We would pretend that we were workers at a ice cream shop and would fill orders of pretend customers outside of our window. It was so much fun!

Once we got to the DQ, we would order. I always wanted chocolate and my sister, Ashley always wanted vanilla. I could not understand why she would want vanilla and she couldn't understand why I wanted chocolate. We would then eat our ice cream, well I would. Ashley talked so much that usually everyone would have finished their ice cream, while hers would be melting all over her. She would lick it a few times to stop the melting but then go back to talking.

Looking back at that memory I don't remember feeling sad or worried or over burdened. I only knew that we were going to get ice cream and I had no cares in the world. I am sure that behind the rose colored glasses I have on that memory there is hardship and stress but as a kid, at that moment, I don't see it.

This memory is pure and wonderful and how thankful I am for those memories that take us back to times in our lives that were simple, pure and completely unmolested with the world.

2011-02-14T12:16:00.000-07:00

Happy Valentine's Day

Today is my parent's 30th Anniversary! Happy Anniversary parental units!

I love you so much! You are such an example of love and commitment.

Congratulations on reaching your 30th wedding anniversary!

Baby! Happy Valentine's Day! I love you!

I wish all of you love this Valentine's Day!

Happy New Year...a month late but still

2011-02-05T15:18:00.001-07:00

Happy New Year folks! Live it up because apparently the world ends in 2012!

I have been catching up on all of the blogs that I read and I have to say that I have great friends and family! I am so grateful for them and their letters to the Internets by blog!

UPDATE:
Chris came home from Virgina the second week in December and is still looking for a job. The Lord knows best, so we are both trying to be patient and productive. If anyone has any leads on a job opening, we are open to suggestions!

My last semester was hard but I passed my classes with A's, it's nice to feel smart.
I am back in school and I like my classes no matter what the challenges I am facing in them.
I was also promoted at work from Office Manager to the Director of Administration. The company restructured and we know have three Managing Directors under the President. I, once, was excited for this promotion but that was very short lived. What I can say is that I am thankful for a job. I am thankful that I can provide for my family. I am learning things daily, that will, I think, help me as a future parent. Just because people are adults, doesn't guarantee that they act that way. Who knew that a job could prepare you for someday parenthood. (:-D)

Anyway, the reason I am writing today, is kind of a mystery. It has been a few months since I have wanted to write anything. I am in front of a computer at least 8 to 9 hrs a day usually more; so on the weekends, I don't want to be sitting in front of a monitor. But as I was perusing my friends and family blogs, I had an itch to make an update.

I have to say that I admire my friends and family. They are a constant reminder to me of the good in the world and the fact that they know me and love me regardless of my faults and failings is a very nice comfort. I feel gratitude and I just have to say thank you! Thank you to you all that are wonderful in my life, even those that I don't see or talk to on a regular basis. You are all lights from heaven, you just don't know it.

Feeling Crafty: Making a Fabric Headboard

2010-10-21T21:16:00.001-06:00

Well, I have been wanting to make a headboard since I first saw it on an HGTV show. I also wanted it to be a fabric head board. I did research, watched videos, read articles to figure out how I wanted to make my headboard. There are so many ways to make a headboard but the basics for a fabric head board is a board, foam, batting, fabric and staples.

So this past weekend I finally was able to make my head board. Here are the items you will need:

OSB Board, 4ft x 5ft, 7/16 of an inch thick (cheaper and lighter then regular Plywood, you will have to have the lumber yard cut it to the correct dimensions, Home Depot does it for free)
Fabric of your choice, I bought 4 yards, 52 to 56 inches wide (honestly can't remember).
Sandpaper
Staples 1/2 inch (12mm, heavy duty) (Home Depot)
3 yards of batting, 108 inches wide
Foam (6ft x 7ft if you want to have the foam wrap to the back of the board) or 4ft x 5ft if you want it just on the front of the board. Thickness of foam is up to you.
French Cleat Picture Hanger (that holds 200 lbs, available at Home Depot)
Button Press (available at Jo Ann Fabrics), Upholstery thread & Upholstery needle; extra plain buttons

Drill/drill bit (don't use a drill bit bigger then 1/8 inch)
optional, Felt (4ft x 5 ft) for the back of the headboard.
Staple Gun
Measuring tape
Area to work

Tips before you start:

While you can do this by yourself, it is better if you have two set of hands, it is more fun with a helper, it goes faster and having two people work on it insures that the fabric is pulled tight while someone staples.
OSB board can be found cheapest at Home Depot and is cheaper then Plywood.
ALWAYS Check in the junk cut pile at the back of the lumber area. I found my board in the junk cut pile for $2.10, normally this board would have cost around $15.
On the OSB Board there is a side that is smoother then the other. Cover the less smooth side.
The best place to get fabric and batting, if you are in Utah, is Home Fabrics; they have the best prices compared to JoAnn Fabrics or even Hancock Fabric.
Foam is very expensive, so you can get creative with where you get your foam. I got my foam for free. If you know someone who has extra carpet pad, it works just as well as the foam you may buy at Jo Ann's. You could even use /reuse foam that was once a pillow bed top. Be creative.
When you get to the point of covering your headboard with your fabric, either clean your area of any dust or scrapes. You don't want to lean against a dirty, new, headboard.
Buy your supplies a little at a time, when there is a really good deal on fabric, or staples etc. This way you don't eat the cost right away. If you already have supplies on hand, you are head of the game.
Upholstery fabrics are more resilient to wear than apparel fabrics, and are recommended for this type of project.
You don't have to use OSB/plywood. You can use an old door or an old headboard you are tired of; you can be creative.
Do some research of how you want to assemble your headboard. I am not a know it all, though I think I am pretty smart! :-)

Make a grid on your board of where you want your button holes and drill where the lines meet, measure to make it even. Pre-drill all holes, even if you don't plan on using all of them. This way later, if you change your mind and want to add more buttons, you won't risk ruining your board because you had to drill after you finished everything.

because my board came from the junk pile it already had
this messy gird on it, which is okay because no one will see it later.

Sand the edges of the board, you can do this by hand but I used an electric hand sander, that made it go faster. You don't have to sand the whole board, just the edges. Sanding the edges helps to prevent any tearing of the batting or fabric.

Once you have drilled your holes and have sanded the edges you can begin to staple the foam to your board. When stapling your foam, batting and fabric to your board always start in the middle or at the corners and go to the opposite side and staple the opposite side. Alternate between sides so that there is no bunching, this is especially important when you cover your board with fabric.

Some people don't staple the foam to the board, I didn't want anything to slide or move so I stapled my foam and batting to the board.

Next comes the batting. Once I laid out my batting I found I had a lot of extra. I cut the extra and put it on the front of the board for more cushion. I also put in a few staples to keep the extra batting from moving.

Next comes the fabric. I started by stapling in the corners first. Once you do one corner go to the opposite corner and continue pulling the fabric tight.

After you finish the fabric, you can take your buttons that you make with your button press or the buttons you bought. I started on the backside of the board because it guarenteed that I was in the right spot for the holes. Once I pulled the thread through I threaded my button and took the needle back through the holes and thread the extra white buttons. These buttons act as a way to anchor the buttons.

Time to hang it. This French Cleat picture hanger holds 200 lbs. So this baby isn't going anywhere. Follow the directions on the package.

I mounted the locking bracket on another piece of wood,
to make sure that the brackets were completely interlocking.

Isn't it pretty!

update

2010-10-16T12:03:00.001-06:00

A lot has been going on these last few weeks and I haven't been able to update this blog or even have time to really think about anything else.

Here is the low down.

Since Chris has graduated he has been looking for jobs in his field. He also has started an online Masters program in Corporate Wellness and Health Promotion. There have only been a few jobs in Utah (though we looks all over the west/west coast and they all wanted more experience and if they were jobs that Chris could do, they were part-time and we just didn't feel that it was worth moving for something that couldn't even pay for rent) and though he has had a few interviews, he was not chosen for the job.

We decided that he should try to get another internship. His first internship was really a joke and he felt like he didn't learn what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. He didn't want to be a fitness trainer to someone who just wanted to get ripped. He actually wanted to help people learn how to get healthy. So he applied at different internships across the country. He applied to L&T Health and Fitness. He had a phone interview and he was given the internship. The only down side was that this internship was all the way in Virgina. I couldn't go with him. I was starting school and I needed to work because this internship only had a stipend of $1200. Luckily his sister and dad would let him crash at their apt for the 12 weeks that Chris would be gone. The hope with this internship would be a job would be at the end of it. Well, Chris is now applying to jobs and we will see what happens. Chris left Sept 7th.

It has been really hard being away from him, kind of lonely. But hopefully it will be worth it in the end. The idea of leaving Utah gets me happy. Don't get me wrong, I love Utah. It is as much as my home as Ohio is; I have lived here almost all of my adult life. But I am so ready for a change. I am also ready to be out of the culture that comes with living in Utah and being LDS. I feel jaded and really need more space (which is ironic because there are more people per square mile in the east then there is in Utah). There are wonderful blessings of living in Utah. I have met people that I will always consider friends. I can go to the Temple everyday if I chose and the mountains are beautiful. But on the other hand, I miss the greener east, I miss the smell, the diversity, the constant reminder that I am different and I should be proud of that. I feel suffocated in Utah and seriously need a change. Who knows, when I leave I may miss Utah completely but I feel that that is okay. I also could be getting completely ahead of myself. He hasn't been offered a job yet.

I started school and I am taking a math class. The teacher is worthless, he is just as ADD as I am but worse because he doesn't ask for home work, how am I supposed to know I am doing anything right, and he doesn't really stay on topic in class. He will just from one math topic to the other and by the end of class I am so confused that I have no idea what he is talking about. I have stopped going to class and have been just going to the tutoring center instead. It is helping a little but I am basically teaching myself from the book and it is really really hard. My other class is Writings and Themes in Literature and I love this class. A lot of busy work but it is a great class and its easy. I love this type of subject.

I also went to Ohio on a very over due visit. I was there from Sept 29th through October 5th. I haven't been back to Ohio for 2 years so my trip was mostly for getting together with family though I was able to see one childhood friend, Michelle and her boy, Roland. My cousin Mary got married to Pete. It was a beautiful ceremony at Williams on the Lake in Medina. The Spirit was so strong as their preacher was speaking. He was speaking truth and it was beautiful. Mary and Pete made a gorgeous couple, they are so happy. It was a beautiful wedding.

Picture of the Happy Couple! The photography was amazing.

Isn't my cousin gorgeous!

For more photos of Mary and Pete go to Finest Moments Photography blog post

All photos of Mary and Pete were taken by Finest Moments Photography.

The other really great thing about Ohio was Chris drove up from Virigina! It was wonderful to have him there, I didn't want to let him go. A lot happened that weekend.

Mike proposed to Brianna. Ash, me, Mike and Bri went to Dan's Dogs for lunch in the Medina Square. While Ash and I went shopping, Mike then took Bri on a tour of Medina. They went to a Music shop, where Bri was presented with some pretty roses and she was told, if its your first time in Medina, you get roses! Then they went to another store on the square and was handed some more roses and again, it being her first time in Medina, she gets roses. At this point she still had no clue. She just thought, what a quaint little town. Then the third store was the train toy store/museum and this little old man said that he had heard that this pretty red head was in town and than handed her some more roses! Mike then takes Bri to the Center of the Square where the Gazebo is and there, waiting, is more roses. He gets on his knee and asks Bri to marry him. It was great! My mom recorded it from a distance. My camera wasn't with me and I keep kicking myself for it. It was a great day!

My cousin Melissa and her husband, Adam, announced that they were pregnant! It is such great news! Congrats Missy and Adam! You will be awesome parents!

It was awesome to see the Nagy family. So many wonderful things happened that weekend, I hope everyone has processed it by now!

I was also able to see the Squire Family, and EVERYONE that could be there was there! Scott, Jimmy, Kim and Bill, everyone came to celebrate my Grandparents birthdays! My Aunt Rochelle graciously let us use her home! It was great to see everyone and all the cute little new additions. Shannon's baby girl and Jackie's baby girls are adorable. And as always everyone in the family "loves" pictures so they were all very eager to have their picture taken!

Sometimes it is the waiting, instead of the receiving, that you grow the most

2010-10-14T09:30:00.000-06:00

Be patient. There will be an update soon. If anyone is actually reading this anymore!

One Minute Sermon

2010-08-17T18:22:00.000-06:00

scrambled: current condition of my brain

2010-08-15T18:57:00.001-06:00

Do you ever have moments when you feel like your brain can't hold any more information, that if you are not careful your brain may leak out of your ears? Well that is what my head feels like right now. I wish that I was Dumbledore and had a pensive to store my memories when my brain is feeling full. (if you do not know who Dumbledore is or what a pensive is, I can not help you.) Currently my brain is so scrambled and mushy. So many things have been going on and the hard part is I can't even share most of them. It is confidential the things in my head. Just to much information and not enough allowed outlets.
Scrambled eggs does a body good, scrambled brain is no good.

mike n bri

2010-07-05T15:21:00.001-06:00

Happy 4th of July weekend everyone! The 4th is one of my favorite holidays, I just love how the country seems to bond together! I am grateful to all of those that sacrifice their time and lives to make my living in freedom possible.

This past weekend my brother and his girlfriend came down from Idaho and we decided to have some fun. I played photographer and took pictures of the love birds. For those of you that know how to wield a camera, you will have to tell me what you think. I love photography and have always wanted to get into it.

Last few months adventures

2010-06-12T12:47:00.002-06:00

Well, lately there have been ups and downs and adventures all around; as consequence the blog has suffered. So here is an update of all of the adventures of the DeSomer family:

ITS OVER! Almost...Chris graduated from BYU with a Bachelor's in Exercise Science! His mom came down from Idaho and we attended the Commencement and Convocations, you would think that they would make the seats with more leg room and a little softer; my butt fell asleep in every 2 hr event...but it's okay, he graduated! It was a good weekend in that regard. I am really proud of my husband! Way to go baby!

Commencement Pictures

Convocation Pictures

NOW ONTO GRADUATE SCHOOL! it's not over......(:-P)

At the same time as graduation was going on, we moved into my parents basement apartment. The pictures are below. The apt. is very nice, practically brand new, about the same size as our previous apt, with to bedrooms, just the layout is different and hopefully it helps my parents out.

Then a week after we moved in, we went on vacation to Los Angeles for a week. We drove and had a good time. We hung out with my old mission companion, Amelia and her fiance Roger. We went to Disneyland and felt like a kids again! Seriously, I loved Disneyland. We went to the Griffith Observatory and caught a Dodgers game. We also went to the beach and just had a great time just being together and not having a schedule!

And then Noelle left for her mission to Anchorage, Alaska. We are all so proud of her and her decision to come back to church, and then to serve a mission. She is strong little cookie! Ashley handed down our mission tag. And then we took her to the MTC!

I am going to be keeping her blog up to date so if you want to see all of exciting things going on with Sister Squire go to here.

Anyway, it has been an awesome adventure these few months. I am so thankful for good family and friends and for an awesome husband, my best friend.

We are all Children

2010-05-13T12:23:00.000-06:00

Every morning I ride a bus to Salt Lake City for work. Sometimes I sleep, sometimes I read, sometimes I stare into space, really an hour – hour-in-a- half bus ride, you sometimes just do that. This morning I was reading a blog, but that isn’t what this post is about. Once we get into SLC the first stop is by Pioneer Park. If you know SLC then you know that Pioneer Park and the area it is in is where a lot of homeless people hang/live and the homeless medical clinic and other programs are located in this area. So there are a lot of homeless, struggling people.

Well, this morning I looked up when we stopped. People were crossing in front of the bus and there was a man or a woman, I couldn’t tell from the distance but we will say it was a man. He was short in stature, very thin and had a big green blanket wrapped around his head that cascaded to his shoulders. He had black sweats that stopped at the ankles and his shoes were not shoes but house slippers and he was talking to himself, to the air, to something. As people were crossing the street they would be greeted by this person and their reactions are what had affected me the most. Some people would walk right by and not even look at him. Others would totally walk a few feet around him, like he was contagious with some deadly disease, going out of their way. And he would talk to them anyway. I don’t know what he was saying but he would be pointing at them and talking. As I was watching this I had the following thought come into my head; We are all Children of God and He loves us all, even the assumed crazy guy on the street, because to God that man was not crazy. As the bus drove away I felt an overwhelming love for that “crazy” guy on the street. I felt guilty for the times I have reacted the same way as those people crossing the street. I felt bad that I couldn’t give him real clothes and a hug. I felt sad that those people didn’t even acknowledge him as a human being, their brother. I felt only a small part of the Love the Lord has for this person and it was wonderful.

This morning has humbled me and I know that this is what I needed this morning.

We are all Children of God, even if we aren’t in our right mind to know it.

2010-04-11T21:07:00.003-06:00

So, I have been going to school, really only six credit hours and working full time. It doesn't seem like a lot when I think about it, but things involving those two items have been stressing me out. First, college is challenging me, even though I feel like I attend a glorified high school.
I have been taking a Political Science class, taught by a lawyer. I hate politics, but over the years I have become more aware of the politics and issues that are affecting our country. This class really made me uncomfortable. In this class we had to be open and express our opinions, it was part of our grade to participate. I have my opinions but I don't really go around airing my thoughts and opinions, specifically about politics. I don't like to be in confrontational situations and politics usually brings that out in people, so I don't usually talk about my political opinions. I rather keep things to myself, unless I really feel strongly enough to say something.

Anyway, I had to do a debate in this class and it really stressed me out. My group was also the last group in the semester to do our debate. I let this debate get me so anxious. I lost sleep over this stupid debate. And when I finally actually did the debate, it wasn't even worth my worry. It wasn't worth the lost sleep. Ugh, why I did I do that to myself? So I was stressing over nothing. Does this make me a freak? On some level, I have to say yes it does.

At the same time as I was wasting energy worrying about a debate, our secretary was fired. Now, this made more work for me. I was given the responsibly to do my job plus the secretaries job. Also, I was given the responsibility to hire someone new, train them and be their supervisor for real. With the previous secretary, I was just a midlevel supervisor but I didn't really have any real authority to discipline. I interviewed over 15 people. I almost lost my mind. But we hired someone who is really great and super nice.

Anyway, I have to say even though I have been so busy, so incredibly overwhelmed, I know that these things were for my good. I know my life is not truly hard. I know that I have a great life. I am just thankful that the last few months are over and I can move on.

2010-04-08T15:45:00.001-06:00

Need to update the blog, hopefully this weekend. If anyone is still reading, please be patient!

Comes in like a Lion...

2010-03-01T21:12:00.000-07:00

Well, today is the first day of March and seriously, it came in like a lion. Now, I am not talking about the weather.

1 Peter 5:8
Be Sober, be vigilant: because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.

That is what I am talking about. Satan sure seems to be walking about and getting in my way. I am not the only one, I have a friend who has had the week of Hell. Chile had a major earthquake. The USA lost to Canada in hockey, okay that might not be on the list but still...

Lately life seems to be coming at me like a Lion and I am having two reactions, pee my pants or just cry and rock in the fetal position.

Pearls before swine

2010-02-03T18:54:00.000-07:00

Matthew 7:6

Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

Casting your pearls before swine. Have you ever done that? It is so easy to do. I know that in the scripture it is talking of specifically Holy things but really I am going to apply this to anything. And sometimes you don’t know when you’re actually talking to swine. But that person will let you know and you regret sharing whatever it is you shared, it could be a struggle you had or something you did that weekend, it doesn’t matter because they are swine and they don’t care how fragile your pearls are. Or they hold onto your pearls and use them as a bargaining chip later, or they remind you how dirty your pearls are and how much cleaner their pearls are, when their pearls are actually fake. Seriously, this scripture can apply to so many things. I had an experience today that I am going to not really focus on but I learned one very good lesson, I need to be more aware of who the swine or dog is, because I don’t want my pearls trampled.

one step closer to leaving the 20's

2010-01-14T20:54:00.005-07:00

(26th Bday) Yes that is a little debbie cake. don't judge me.

This weekend is my 28th birthday. I was born on the 17th of Jan, in 17 below zero weather. And now I am turning 28, with a nasty inversion. I would rather have the 17 below!

Anyway, 28 isn't really an exciting number. I am actually happy to be turning this age. It seems to be a good age. Still in my 20's but I am not actually 20.... To celebrate my bday, which I really don't do, I took Friday off from work. I will be hanging out with my family and friends. Life is good.

here i am

2010-01-08T01:21:00.004-07:00

Well, I went to bed last night at like 7 or something close to it. I have not been feeling 100% and so last night I was toast. I fell asleep so fast and now, here I am. It is 1:30 am and I have been up for thirty minutes already. The first hours of sleep were awesome. I really needed that. And I am trying to tell my body to go back to sleep. I don't normally sleep through the night, so this really isn't anything new, I just normally stay in bed. I usually wake up from a nightmare that I have. I usually have multiple nightmares and they are all the same. Some crazy person coming into my home, doing horrible things to me, Chris, or my extended family. I have other crazy scary dreams but I don't want to frighten you. I have tried a variety of ways to help in the stopping of these horrible nightmares and so far not much has worked. The biggest thing that has helped is to read my scriptures before I go to bed. Even though it helps I can't seem to shake these horrible things going on in my head. It is a curse or something. I would just like it to stop. I have asked my counselor about my dreams and I even have a dream book. I have a theory that all of my fears about life are in my dreams but are just manifesting themselves in these horrible dreams. Well, whatever it is, it needs to stop. I need to go to sleep. Well, I am off to read some more scriptures, I am thinking something about an angel. Good Night/Morning!

I deserve a flogging

2010-01-05T19:06:00.003-07:00

Well, I have been ignoring/twiddling my thumbs/neglecting my blog. I actually penciled into my holiday schedule to write about the wonderful things that I participated in; all the wonderful adventures are still in my head. I took pictures with the express purpose of posting them and writing witty captions underneath them. They are still on my camera. I know, I know. I am a blogging failure, I deserve a flogging. Do not despair, cuz I'm not. I am doing well, have been that happiest I have ever been. I love my husband, my work, my life. Sure I struggle but that is part of the fun/adventure/road/challenge...okay struggling still bites the big one but hey, life is not a musical, though don't you wish it was!?!

Thankful

2009-12-16T14:05:00.001-07:00

Do you ever just stop and think of the wonderful blessings you have around you? Well, today I did. Even though this morning was a mess, I am so thankful for my job, my family and friends. I am so blessed. Count your blessings. Merry Christmas!

Using your words, Happy Xmas but...

2009-12-14T12:17:00.007-07:00

This post is basically what I thought about on my bus ride to work this morning...hopefully it makes sense because it was really early this morning!

From a young age I have grown up being told to use my words, or basically I have learned/been taught that words are important. The way we speak to each other is important and can have a huge affect on another human being. So use your words...

I have been thinking about the word Christmas, more so Xmas. Why do people think Xmas is taking the Savior out of Christmas? Look up the History of the X in Christmas on Google. Do it and be amazed at what comes up. Seriously, the X is not taking Christ out of Christmas. The X actually means Christ. So Have a Merry Xmas!

I think out of the whole English language I despise this word: But. Why do I despise the word But, you may ask. Well, I despise it because I feel that for some reason it gives people a way to express what they are really thinking and usually it is not very nice. Example: You look so pretty BUT you should have worn your red dress.
Or the cousin of the word BUT is IF ONLY. Example: You are so pretty if only you could lose a few pounds.

It's like people feel free to drop their crappy thoughts onto other people. I am going to give you a compliment/lie BUT then tell you how I really feel. BUT negates everything you have said before it. So think about that the next time you as have something to say.

Turkey Adventures and a little to much G

2009-11-29T19:53:00.012-07:00

This past week has been a nice break from the normal, it was Thanksgiving week. Chris' mom and Grandma came down from Idaho. It is always great to see Darlene and Grandma Ruby. The thing is sometimes we get a little to much of Grandma. She is going to be 89 this year and has dementia. She is so sweet but she passes gas and burps like a teenage boy, and if you have/had a teen age brother or boy in your house, you KNOW what I am talking about. She "doesn't have control" but the body noises seemed to almost completely disappear when we went to my parents for Thanksgiving dinner. So nobody really knows but she did pass gas at my parents house and we all just couldn't stop laughing. Ah, something to look forward to, getting old! Joking aside it was really great to see them both!

Also, I made the turkey this year, and it was awesome. I put my turkey in a brine the day before Thanksgiving. A brine causes the turkey to absorb the juices and thus stays moist while you cook. A basic Brine is Kosher salt, sugar and water (or any other liquid like OJ or Apple Juice) and then you add your desired herbs. You have to make your bird is completely thawed and can be chilled. You usually cook the brine so that all the flavors mesh together and get dissolved and then you chill the brine. I did not do that this year, I basically forgot about that step. Oops! oh, well. Anyway, I put my brine in this:

I sanitized this before and of course after. It is so much easier. To keep it cold, I use ice instead of water, which becomes water. Also, if you have a way to keep animals out of it, I put it outside, it is winter after all. Also, all of my liquids are chilled as well. You have to make sure that the brine is at 40 degrees at all times, so if you are not brining a 23 lb bird and can stick it in your fridge, than do that. You brine 1 hour for every 1 pound. So you have a 23 lb turkey, you brine for 23 hours. I like doing it this way because I don't have to worry if the whole turkey is getting brined, it is fully immersed in the brine.

Not pretty, but it made the bird taste good. For my liquids I used Apple Cider and Vegetable Broth.

I also ended up cooking the turkey in my tiny oven, and since the oven is tiny it cooked faster then a normal oven. I also don't trust the thermomators that come in the bird, so I always check the temperature to make sure that it is 165 degrees.

Here is the finished product. Yummy!

After we finished the bird, we went to my parents house. It was great to just hang with the family and enjoy each others company. It was probably the most unstressful holiday I have experienced in a while, here is to more of those.

The Spread

May We All Give Thanks

2009-11-26T12:25:00.001-07:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

Mike's Choir Concert

2009-11-23T21:36:00.006-07:00

I have been meaning to post about this but have not had time. So here it is. On the 14th of Nov. my brother Mike and the BYU - Idaho choir came and sang at the Salt Lake Tabernacle. It was a great privilege for Mike and they sang beautifully. It was a great experience and it was a great time with the family! We missed Noelle and Elder Dan.

Can you find Mike in the Picture above? (I couldn't zoom any more!)

Gobble Gobble

2009-11-20T12:25:00.006-07:00

This year I am making the turkey for Thanksgiving. I have cooked a turkey in high school in my home economics class, and in 2007 when Chris and I couldn't go back east for Thanksgiving. I had so much fun in 2007 that I volunteered to do it again this year. I am totally going to toot my own horn when I say, I make a good turkey. The thing is in High School I had my teacher standing watch and I was really the only one willing to pull the neck out, the other girls were to wussy (sp?). So really I have only made a turkey once on my own and though it turned out great, doesn't guarantee that it will be good again.

My mom found turkeys for sale in Lehi for $.39 per lb! Go MOM! So she called and requested that they hold one of the larger turkeys for me. I went to pick it up last night. The bird is 23 lbs! When the meat guy handed it over to me, I didn't realize how heavy this bird was going to be. I almost dropped it. It is currently in my fridge, hopefully thawing. I need it to be completely thawed by Wednesday because I put my turkey in a brine and because this bird is 23 lbs I have to have it in the brine for 23 hrs before I cook it. I also have to cook it at my parents home. My lovely apt. stove is too small. The range top looks normal sized but the oven is actually really small. I am kind of nervous about how it will go. Like this will determine if I am a good home-maker or something! I put to much pressure on myself. Anyway, I am excited to see how it turns out.

Blogger annoyance

2009-11-09T13:04:00.004-07:00

So if you look through my posts you will notice that there are not many with spaces in between paragraphs. This is not for a lack of trying, Blogger just will not let me have a space between my paragraphs. I am a little annoyed. I have tried going into the HTML and to no avail have not been able to have any spaces.

Any suggestions? I like things to be orderly and easy to read and I am very frustrated. Does anyone ever have this problem? What am I doing wrong?

Count your blessings...

2009-11-03T14:42:00.001-07:00

1. Chris and his love. I have the best husband in the world!

2. My family, immediate and extended.

3. The knowledge of Heavenly Father and the Atonement of Jesus Christ, without Him I am nothing.

4. My job, sometimes I don’t like getting up at the crack of dawn but I am so thankful to have a job to go to everyday.

5. My home, shelter, sanctuary.

6. Education. I am really enjoying school and the opportunity to attend. I feel so much smarter ;-)

7. Books, life would be so boring without a good read.

8. Laughter and good humor, one of the reasons I married Chris and laughing always makes the day better.

9. Humbling situations/experiences – keeps you real and grounded.

10. The Temple – the calmest place I can go and have peace.

11. An empty sink and clean dishes. Seriously I would rather clean the bathroom then clean dishes.

12. My bed, so thankful that I have one and that it is comfy.

13. Fall weather, nice break from summer and it is so pretty. It also eases me into winter.

14. Chinese food, my favorite!

15. In door plumbing. Always be thankful for that.

16. A light at the end of the tunnel, what a relief it does exists.

17. Our car, please don’t break down, please don’t break down….

18. The ability to walk and run.

19. My iPod. A life saver and an escape for when I am on the bus and have to hear people on their cell phones, I did not want to know that about you.

20. Candles.

21. Hugs and Kisses.

22. My Height. I rarely have to ask someone to get something down off a shelf or use a step ladder.

23. Good Friends.

24. My sisters! I miss them all the time and they know me so well.

25. Homemade food. I am so tired of eating out and I am always happy when I eat in.

What are you thankful for?

At Peace, kind of

2009-10-29T11:07:00.003-06:00

Doctrine and Covenants 58

2 For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that keepeth my commandments, whether in life or in death; and he that is faithful in tribulation, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven.
3 Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.
4 For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.

I have been reading this chapter for a week. I have been really angry and now I have mellowed out. I still don't necessarily agree with the things that have been going on but I also have had to read the following to remind myself of how I should react/act. I need to be humble.

Mosiah 3

19 For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

The Lord has humbled me, He knows what is best.

3 degrees of separation

2009-10-26T21:35:00.010-06:00

Well, it was official on Sunday, I am no longer the Young Women's President. I am totally bummed about it, if I want to be melodramatic; I am devastated. But I don't want to be melodramatic. The new leaders are awesome women, especially the second counselor! Shout out to Sara, you will be so great!

Anyway, I have known for a week that I was going to be released. I actually have known that the ward/congregation was going to be having some overhauling done. I just thought I would be in the youth program until I moved or something else, like death (jk), happened. I was completely shocked when the Bishop said that I was going to be released. It was instant waterworks. I cried for a week. I cried when I was released, in front of the ward. Not embarrassing or anything...But I have gone through 3 degrees of separation or the mourning period. First I was totally shocked, disappointed and sad. Then I was just sad and then I got Mad. I am not talking, "I don't believe in the Gospel anymore Mad"; I am talking "I hate that I have no control over this, and I don't want to be released and WHY would the Lord take this away from me Mad".

Apparently, I am supposed to be in a calling with Chris, we are now the Family History Coordinators. y.i.p.p.y. (ducking because I may be struck by lighting.)

No offense to any person that has had this calling; GIVE ME A BREAK! This is the reason you pulled me out of YWs?! I was ticked (not anymore? are you buying that?)...again don't stand to close, I will be hit by lighting any moment now.

**Must be said that I actually am excited to do this calling with Chris. I know this will be good for us and for me. I also know that change happens for a reason. And underneath it all I know that the Lord is right...I am just being bratty and prideful. But I am still ticked. And give me some credit, I accepted the calling so at least I am taking a step, right?

T.M.I.

2009-10-23T12:28:00.003-06:00

Okay, so as you may aleady know, I like to change my blog around. A. Lot. I change the background like I change my shoes (i was going to say underwear but then thought better). I also like the gadget feature. I add, remove, add again. Love it! Well, on accident I came on Daisypath.com. I was looking at all of the widgets on this website and there is actually a section called TTC (trying to concieve).

Here is the Description:

Lilypie Trying to Conceive tickers update each day to help you follow your
menstrual cycle and optimise your chances to conceive. As well as your menstrual
cycle day, you can opt to display your ovulation day or just count down the days
until testing. You can create your own free custom graphic that may be added to
blogs, websites, forum posts, email signatures or Windows desktop.

For a split second I actually thought "oh, those are cute." Then I realized, WAIT! Who in their right mind would put a widget on their blog, myspace page, where ever, that basically is letting the WORLD know; Hey I am ovulating or Guess what I have my period today! Trying to conceive is hard enough without letting the world know the time line. There is also an option to have a count down to the days you test to see if there is a bun in oven. No Pressure or anything. I am going crazy on my own trying to concieve, I really don't need a widget to remind me, I think about it enough. Oh and I don't want the world to know either because 1. it's really none of you beeswax, unless I tell you myself. 2. I don't want people on "test day" to be asking what the results are. So unless you hear, widget or other wise, there is no bun in oven. yet. ;-)

I am so not ADD...oh look at that butteryfly!

2009-10-09T10:07:00.002-06:00

As you may have noticed or didn't notice, I have changed my blog layout and background. I change my blog sometimes daily, but mostly weekly. I just get so bored with it so easily. It is much easier to move things around on the blog then it is to move my furniture in my living room. There are a million options on the internet, there are only a few furniture configurations in my rented apartment (one day I'll have a house, hopefully before I get my "mansion in heaven"!). This disorder I have of changing my blog around so much is completely my ADHD kicking in. I have been experiencing my lack of focus for a few days now and usually I can force myself to focus in someway. But lately I have not been able to do it. I don't know if it is just my brain overriding my amibition or I am just lazy but I can't seem to stay on track. Hence this blog post. Seriously, I am trying to be a productive human in society but my brain has other ideas.

Can't think of anything clever...My next Blog Post

2009-10-06T16:00:00.007-06:00

I have been wanting to update my blog for a while now but every time I come to post I just have had to much in my brain and no words to express the thoughts and impressions. I have had a full two weeks where I have had nothing to say and a ton to say at the same time. Totally frustrated. Maybe I wasn't supposed to share. But hopefully today I will make some sense and actually have something to say.

This past weekend was General Conference weekend and it was wonderful. Now, I don't really have any specific talk to discuss, I just want to talk about the feeling I have. I love the peace that comes with GC weekend. It is like I was waiting for refreshment because I was pretty much finished with what I had been drinking. I LOVED so many of the speeches and the Holy Spirit was there and I was calmed. My Spirit was calmed and how nice it was to feel that. I have been feeling like my Spirit has been fighting with my body and my body is always winning and my Spirit is getting ticked. This weekend I felt renewed and my Spirit felt like it could finally breath. (Sigh)

Also this past weekend I was able to hang out with an old mission companion and some of my wonderful lady friends. My friends are so great. They are intelligent, beautiful and such great examples to me of independent, strong woman. It was nice to have chick night/weekend.

So I have been observing many people lately, mostly women and I noticed how refined and cultured they are. They are amazing women who are confident in themselves and are doing what they love. It makes me think about what I love and what I want. I am realizing more and more that I have no idea. I used to know, but I have lost myself a long the way and I don't know where to look to pick up the pieces. I am slowly finding me but I feel like I am in a haze or a blur. Something has to give so I can see my path. How strange. I know one thing, that I am a daugther of God and that therefore makes me Divine. But the facets of my Divinity are kind of lost or hidden from my sight right now. What defines you? Who are you? These are questions I am asking myself, shouting at myself. I wonder the answers.

Well, this sucks.

2009-10-02T13:02:00.003-06:00

We had a lay off this week. Damn Economy!

Taking time

2009-09-23T07:48:00.006-06:00

Loved this and I saw it again last night and thought I would share.

I love how creative the Church is getting.

2009-09-21T15:31:00.003-06:00

Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are. Their whims,
fancies, and ambitions are thwarted at every step, but their inmost thoughts and
desires are fed with their own food be it foul or clean. Man is manacled only by
himself; thought and action are the jailors of Fate -- they imprison, being
base; they are also the angels of Freedom -- they liberate, being noble... Men are
anxious to improve their circumstances but are unwilling to improve themselves;
they therefore remain bound. The man who does not shrink from
self-crucifixion can never fail to accomplish the object upon which his heart is
set. This is as true of earthly as of heavenly things

- As a Man Thinketh By James Allen

Fall Love, Going Crazy & Coveting the Bun

2009-09-21T14:08:00.009-06:00

This morning I was leaving my apt. going to my bus stop and it was freezing, 42 degrees to be exact and it smelled like fall. I love Fall. It is my favorite season. I love the smell of the air, the leaves changing, apple cider and everything else to do with fall. Love it. I don't however like the fact that after fall comes winter, the Fall always seems too short and winter way too long! But I will treasure Fall while it lasts.

So this past weekend has been kind of a hard one for me. Have you ever realized that you are crazy? You are just sitting there minding your own business and then a situation comes a long and you realize that you are nuts and that you need to fix what is broken? Well, that was my weekend. Now, I am not talking Intitution-Straight-Jacket-Crazy. I am talking, I-need-to-get-a-therapist-because-these-thoughts-are-not-healthy-nor-productive-and-I-need-to-let-go Crazy. I had an "ah-Ha" moment this weekend. I actually have had this "Ah-Ha" moment for a few months now, I just have ignored it because I didn't want to go to a Therapist. I am stupid when it comes to asking for help. Even though I KNOW that it will do me good, even though I KNOW that I will not be able to overcome these things by myself, I still reject the idea until I have this moment of clarity, or moment of logic and my smarter person inside says that you need to fix this. And then I decide to actually fix it.

Albert Einstein says that “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

So I am going to be getting a therapist. Yay, Me!

Also, I am so coveting those that are pregant or just had a baby. That is right, C-O-V-E-T-I-N-G. Jeez, I need to repent! Now, I don't want my friends to think that they can't tell me when they have a bun in the oven, because I get really excited for my friends. That is a wonderful thing and I am so genuinely happy for them. I love going to baby showers and LOVE buying my friends new baby clothes. I have learned a long time ago, that if I can't be happy for someone else's happiness then I am not a good friend. And the thing is I am not coveting all the time. But right now, today actually, I have this ache that hurts more then usual. I know that the Lord has a plan for Chris and me. It is just hard to be patient. This weekend I realized that maybe one of the reasons the Lord hasn't blessed us with a kiddo is because of my "craziness" mentioned above. I realized that even if I had a kid, the craziness wouldn't go away, it would be compounded. The cracks would show, but then I also would be responsible for this perfect, innocent life and I just don't want to put my kids through Hell, they will get there on their own. ;-)

I have so much to be thankful for and I know that the Lord is always there for me. I am so thankful for Chris and his constant support and love. I am thankful for my family and friends. You all are so awesome and I am thankful for your love and occasionally a kick in the pants.

2009-09-17T14:21:00.002-06:00

Have you Smiled today?

Remember

2009-09-11T09:44:00.008-06:00

Photo provided by Tribute in Light (Laverdiere, Myoda, and Whendt. 2002)

I remember exactly where I was on September 11th. I was at work listening to the radio when a bulletin came on and explained that the World Trade Towers in NY city were hit. I honestly didn't remember what the World Trade Towers were and the news broadcast didn't really lend any gravity to the situation. I tried going online or calling my family, nothing worked. So I just waited until I could go home that afternoon and I saw it on television. My heart, our country's heart was broken that day.

"We honor all those who gave their lives so that others might live, and all the survivors who battled burns and wounds and helped each other rebuild their lives; men and women who gave life to that most simple of rules: I am my brother's keeper; I am my sister's keeper."

Barack Obama, President

9/11/09 (for Full Speech)

Photo by Ted Warren (Iraq Soldier's Memorial, Fort Lewis, Washington c.2007)

Words can not express the gratitude I have for those that courageously serve our country, who fight to protect our freedoms and lives. Thank you.

Mission Baptism

2009-08-25T08:30:00.004-06:00

Elder Squire had his first mission baptism this past weekend. Congrats Dan!

We are so proud of him.

Here is an exerpt of an email about the baptism, he hasn't been in the mission very long and he is already starting to lose his english, no puctunation and missed spellings everwhere! It will be fun when he comes home and he will not know how to speak english but his spanish will be amazing!

"i will start with the great news. the family osorio had their baptism yesterday. they were so prepared and it was a special day for them. even the weather was perfect for them. elder larson baptized johanna (the mother), the stake president manzbernat baptized the father, guido, and i baptized the daughter nataly. i was so happy for them and they were so excited for it as well. i was pretty nervous, never having baptized before, and her name complete was a little tough to say. i didn´t even know i was going to baptize her until friday. we had divisions with the zone leaders that night when they had their bautismal interviews. baptism really is a special and sacred thing and it was humbling to have a part in their promise with God."

100 Posts & The Holy Ghost

2009-08-24T13:22:00.004-06:00

I have reached 100 posts. Isn't that exciting?! I should have a cake with a big 100 on it. Okay, so maybe I won't go that far but cake sounds good.

Yesterday, I was sitting in my front room and I had a thought about a friend. I dismissed it. Well, later that night my friend and her husband came over and broke to us very exciting news. They were moving away and they were expecting their second child. I am bummed that they are moving but I am happy and excited for their adventures and the new little one. After they left I thought about my little thought earlier in the day. I realized that it wasn't some random thought that popped into my head. It was the Holy Ghost trying to prepare me for their news.

I do this a lot, I hear this "still, small voice" and dismiss it thinking it is nothing. Then something happens and it confirms what the "voice" told me. After this happens I think, I need to stop doing this. I need to be more aware and why do I keep ignoring this "voice". I think because I am prideful. But I now need to know how to actually listen to this voice when I hear it. It is just like in the Book of Mormon in 3 Nephi 11 where Heavenly Father is introducing Jesus Christ and the people can't hear Him. It takes them three times to actually hear what the Father is saying. It seems that I am deaf. Any Suggestions?

Randomness

2009-08-20T08:23:00.005-06:00

So my ADHD has totally kicked in today. My brain is all over the place...it is driving me nuts. I actually really need to buckle down and focus on my work, but I just can't. I am everywhere and nowhere in between. So, I am writing in the hopes that if I expel some randomness I will be able to focus.

Yesterday I was able to see old family friends Marie and Kelly McEntire. They were out west dropping their boys off at college, Utah State I think, and so they stayed the night at my parents house. I haven't seen them in forever and even though I was actually leaving when they were arriving; it was nice to chit-chat for a few minutes.

The other day I watched an interview on the Today show about this terrorist who wants to be released from prison, he is terminally ill and wants to spend the remainder of his few days of life at home, so the court was actually considering releasing him under what they call a Compassionate release. I think they decided to actually release him. My first reaction was Compassion! he didn't show compassion to those on the plane when he blew up it over Scotland. You want compassion, then you show compassion. I felt very Tooth for Tooth at the moment, still kind of am at the moment. Then I realized that regardless of this man's actions, people still needed to forgive. It doesn't hurt this man that they don't forgive him, it hurts themselves. I still don't think that this man should have been released; he still killed innocent lives, he was convicted and served 8 years of a life sentence. I am still a little ticked about it, but he has now been released and my heart goes to those families who lost loved ones.

Sometimes people think they are helping when really they aren't. "So when is it your turn to have babies? We have been waiting. You're not getting any younger! Tick Tock Tick Tock!" Wow! Thanks, I didn't know that you were waiting for me to pop out a kid. You don't have to tell me I'm not getting younger, I know. And God only knows when it is my turn to squeeze a watermelon out of my vagina and I would hope He would tell me before you!

I am very proud of my sister who left her crappy job and is moving on to a real salon where she will grow and learn and not have to deal with immature little girls. I am happy she stood up for herself and didn't let people walk all over her. I know this new job is a change and she is a little nervous but she is brillant. She will do great!

I am very happy that my sister is changing her life and has a more positive outlook. I am proud that she is going back to church.

I am not your therapist and yes, you need one.

I am thankful for a supporting husband. I used to be thankful I was single, I am now thankful I am not single.

I am scared to go to school but I am more scared of not finishing.

I miss my Ohio family and friends. I miss the east. Mountains are great but I miss the trees.

I wish money grew on trees.

I wish I didn't have to commute but I know that where we are currently living is where we are supposed to be.

Life is hard, I need to get over that.

This Randomness brought to you by my brain. Now, back to work.

family

2009-08-16T20:23:00.003-06:00

Right now I am sitting in my parents living room and my siblings and parents are just sitting, talking. I am so thankful for my family and the fact that they are closer. At times, it does kind of stress me out, but overall I love having my family around. I missed so much of my siblings lives while they were in Ohio. I missed recitals, football games, plays, dates and many other times when something was going, I was out west. And even though I was doing what I needed to in my life I still missed out and missed my family. Now they are around and I am so thankful. I wish I could move my extended family out here, but I am thankful for something instead of nothing.
I now going to get off here and have some fun with the family.

P90X

2009-08-12T10:33:00.006-06:00

P90X. It is a new work out video set that Chris and I have bought. We have cancelled our fitness club dues, because we didn't really use it and we are trying to cut our expenses. Seriously, this workout is eXtreme and is supposed to make you cut in 90 days. It is supposed to give you Power. Power 90 Xtreme. They tell you to watch the videos before you start working out to them. We did watch. It was amazing the different workouts and some things I have NEVER seen before, not that I am all knowing about exercise.

There are 12 DVDs and seriously every single work out looks FUN! That's right folks, I said fun. I actually dreaded working out, I always dragged my feet going to the gym, hence the unused membership. And I have always been kind of lazy about working out at home, not going to lie. BUT I am actually having fun with my work outs. WHICH IS UNPRECEDENTED FOR ME! Now, I am not trying to sound like the infomercial. I am just actually excited to see what this program can do for me.

Today, I was talking to a coworker about it and I realized that I am actually serious about this. There have been times in my life were I say I am going to do something, but then I don't do it. Mostly the promises and goals that I set for myself. I don't hold myself accountable. I don't push myself. Well, I am so tired of it. The trainer on the Video is a awesome! Something he said in one of the video's made me realize that I need to stop making excuses and start caring about my well-being. He said that you need to be proactive in your life and Bring it! I feel so empowered by this that I thought I would share.

Now, I will be honest, the part of me that is negative is waiting for myself to fail at this like every other time, really sad right?! I hope this empowerment lasts. I also hope I have reach the bottom of my crap-barrel because once you hit the bottom there is only way to go and that is up!

PS. Chris is awesome. He is so encouraging. Though I may get upset with him when he brings up exercise or anything to do with getting healthy, he just wants me to be happy. I have struggled with this all my life and how grateful I am for a man who loves me and supports me even when I don't love or support myself. Thanks babe!

A look back 4 - Suprise Section 4: Forever

2009-08-11T09:44:00.005-06:00

If you missed the first three sections go here: 1, 2, or 3

Forever

He Said

Alexis, you are the most amazing woman in the world. I love you so much. You are an inspiration to me. You make me want to be better each and every day. We have each been through so many different experiences in our lives, both good and bad. They have helped us grow into the people we have become today. In these pages we have told a few brief chapters of the story of our lives. But they were of our individual lives. The beautiful part is that our stories have only just begun. The rest of our lives will be spent writing the remainder of our story together. Alexis, will you write the Forever chapter of our lives with me?

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

(And of course I said yes. I was in such shock, I
seriously was so surprised. When I saw that the chapter was addressed to me, I
thought what is this doing in a book for my parents. He definitely surprised
me!)

A look back 3 - Section 3 First Dates

2009-08-10T07:59:00.008-06:00

if you missed the first 2 sections go here: 1 or 2

HE SAID

...Then General Conference time arrived. I went to see the Priesthood session at a local chapel with my roommate Christian, Alexis’ home teacher. Afterwards he invited me to go to a party that Alexis’ roommates were having at their house. When we got there we were just hanging out when I saw Alexis walk into the room. I knew she lived there but it hadn’t dawned on me beforehand. I spent the first little bit meeting some new people and eating some food. I was in the kitchen talking to some people when Alexis came in and started talking to me. She asked me if I was done eating and if I wanted to go into the living room. I said ok and we went into the living room and hung out and talked and talked with some of the others in the room and were having a good time.

Earlier in the evening I heard her talk about an ex-boyfriend but didn’t know how recent an ex. So while we were in the living room I tried to subtly (this time I succeeded in my subtlety) find out if she was dating someone. This time I found out she was not. Later my roommate decided to go home so I told him I would find a ride. So I turned to Alexis and asked her for a ride home. She agreed. We spent the rest of the evening hanging out and talking, I even offered to go with her to pick up her sister Noelle. It was a lot of fun. So, the whole night I wanted to ask her out but I didn’t know if I would have the nerve. When she gave me a ride home I kept thinking it is now or never. When we got to my house, before I got out of the car, I practically blurted out, “I think we should go out sometime.” She had a big smile on her face and said yes. I got her number and said goodbye and went into my house.

She beat me to the punch though and called me the next day to invite me to a session of conference at the conference center. We spent some time together after and we went out again the following weekend. That was two and a half months ago. We have seen each other almost everyday since. By some people’s standards our relationship has progressed very quickly, but in my mind it has progressed naturally. Everything feels exactly right. Everyday I am with Alexis is a blessing. She is a remarkable woman and I am lucky to have her in my life.

SHE SAID

In October my roommates and I had a General Conference party. Christopher, along with his roommate Christian (Rocksprings), came. When he walked in the door I made mental note of it and it interested me but I didn’t really think more on it. *Side note: at that time, I had just gotten out of a crappy relationship and so I really was not looking. In all honesty, I didn’t want to date. I was fed up and I still hurt. That is what makes this all so interesting.

During the party Christopher was in the kitchen and I went in and we started talking. I don’t quite remember what we were talking about, maybe movies or something, but I remember thinking how great he was and how it was nice to have an intelligent conversation that was with a member of the opposite sex. It seemed really natural and not hard. In that conversation I could tell he liked me but I didn’t really think anything about it. Then we moved from the kitchen into the living room. He stuck around me and yet I didn’t feel like I had to entertain him because he was interacting with other people in the room. His roommate left and Chris asked me for a ride home. We hung out the rest of the night; he even went with me to pick up Noelle.

We talked a lot and really got along well. I liked him. He was interested in me. The way he looked at me was totally different from when we first met or would see each other around the ward. When I took him home, he said “we should go out sometime.” I said okay. He got my number and then we went our separate ways. Since then he was in the back of my mind, but I was still getting over a previous relationship so I didn’t really think anything.

My roommate Janet was a huge encouragement. She was very excited and I think she saw the potential for our relationship before, at least before I ever did. I had no thoughts of “I wonder if I will marry him” or “I wonder where this will go”. I just thought, I knew that Christopher was a great guy and I deserved to be around someone that was great. I had fun with him and all we were doing was talking. That to me was wonderful.

Since then we have been together and I have fallen in love with him. I didn’t even really realize it. It snuck up on me. And I wasn’t really expecting it either. To be honest it shocked me when I realized the feelings of Love were there. And when I said it, it freaked me out. I didn’t think I would fall in love so quickly. But over the course of our relationship I have felt that the Lord’s hand was in it. I love him so much and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

A look back 2 ~ Section 2 First Impressions

2009-08-07T10:01:00.004-06:00

If you missed Section one go here.

Section 2: First Impressions

HE SAID

When I moved to Salt Lake almost a year and a half ago, my second Sunday going to church a girl in my ward named Sarah came up to me after church and introduced herself and invited me to a barbecue that next Wednesday at her house. Seeing as how I didn’t know anyone and wanted to make some new friends I graciously accepted the invitation. It was at this barbecue that Alexis and I first met. I thought she was nice and pretty, but beyond that I didn’t think much of it. I was dating someone at the time as was Alexis. I became good friends with Sarah and as a result became friends with Alexis. There were a few occasions that I had the opportunity to hang out with Alexis at different activities and things but the feeling was always the same. She was a really nice person. I was grateful that she was my friend but that was all it was, a friendship.

Then, one early morning a few months before we started dating, I saw her at the gym with Sarah. I was friends with Sarah and had tried calling her several times in recent weeks but she never returned any of my calls, so I went to go talk to her. Alexis said hello and asked how I was and we talked for a brief minute before they had to leave. It was then that something changed. I always thought Alexis was very pretty and very nice and fun to hang out with, but suddenly I thought I should ask her out. I wasn’t about to at that moment, but we were no longer in the same ward so I rarely saw her. I just let the thought pass. A month or so later, I saw her again, this time at the grocery store. We said hello and talked for a minute. I tried subtly (I failed in this effort of subtlety) asking her if she was seeing anyone. She said she was and we said good bye and I felt that perhaps I missed my opportunity. I saw her again later at a gathering of friends, but knowing that she was dating someone I didn’t think much of my feeling of asking her out.

SHE SAID

Well, I am convinced that I first met Christopher at a “family” dinner with Sarah Schneider and “Grandpa” Phillip Thomas BUT apparently I first met Christopher at a barbeque at Sarah’s instead. I remember him at that party. I was currently dating another “winner”, John, and he was there also. I honestly didn’t think anything about Chris until the family dinner that, apparently, happened after the party. At the party I thought Chris was nice but nothing else, I was dating someone. But then one night, Sarah had me over for a dinner with Grandpa Phil and this guy Chris. I remember her telling me that he was coming but I couldn’t think of who he was. Then when I saw him I remembered who he was. He was nice. I didn’t really think anything besides the fact that he was a nice guy, oh and that I probably wouldn’t date him. He did remind me a little of my brother mike but only in mannerisms. I thought we would be friends. He was in my ward and so I saw him at activities and we would chit-chat but nothing big. Then he disappeared, he started attending a different ward, and I would see him occasionally around town.

A look back

2009-08-06T12:54:00.010-06:00

So, yesterday I was looking at a book that Chris made for me. It actually was the way he proposed to me. He said that it was a book for parents. It was going to be our (mostly His) present to them when he was going to first meet then Christmas 2006. So he asked me to write somethings and he wrote somethings. He would not let me see the book until it was finished. Then the night before I was planned to fly to Ohio he asked me if I wanted to see the book. I, of course, was so excited and so we sat and read the words we had both wrote. There were three sections:

1. Worsts
2. First Impressions
3. First Dates

Surprise Section ~ 4. Forever

Here is the First Section: Worsts

He Said

I have only had three relationships previously in my life, two of which were not necessarily bad relationships. They were just not the right relationships. Each of these relationships did teach me something however. Each of the women I dated was very focused on their goals and their lives and where they were headed and what they personally wanted. That is a good thing. What they did not focus on was the relationship they were in. They either didn’t care where the relationship went or were convinced that it wasn’t ultimately going to work so why put any sincere effort into making it work. Every person in a relationship should feel that the person they are with is as committed to them as they are to that person. I did not have that with these women. That being the case, I realized how important that is in a relationship and how much I wanted that in my relationship. I have that with Alexis. I knew from our first date that if this relationship progressed that she was going to be completely committed to me, as much as I would be to her. She is one of the most devoted people I know.

My most significant relationship prior to Alexis was my previous marriage. Because of what I went through I have a greater feeling of respect and compassion for those who are going through or have been through a divorce. Even in the most amicable of circumstances, it is a painful experience. I often asked myself, why would the Lord have me go through this experience if He knew it would only end badly. I knew the answer. If I hadn’t been through that experience, I don’t know if I would love and appreciate Alexis as much as I do. One thing in particular that I love so much about Alexis is her commitment to the Gospel. She has a strong desire to continually grow and progress, through study of the scriptures, temple and church attendance, prayer and fasting, all the things that the Lord asks of us so that we might feel His Spirit and grow closer to Him. Not only does she want to do these things for herself, but she wants to do them with me so we can grow and progress together. She truly understands the purpose of God’s plan for us and the place families hold in that plan. I share this desire with her. This mutual desire is a key to success in a marriage and is the one thing I desire most for the relationship I am in. I am eternally grateful for her and this desire.

She Said

I have dated some real “Winners”. I went on a date and the guy didn’t open the car door for me and even made a comment about how he thought it was stupid that he, as the guy, had to do all the work! Like it is truly work to be a gentlemen! Anyway, at the end of our date, which ended really late because of a movie, when he dropped me off he reached across me and opened the door so I could get out. It was like 1 or 2 in the morning and after I got out he drove off. He didn’t even wait to see if I got into my apt. safety. So, I really appreciate the fact that Chris wants to take care of me. He opens doors for me, from car doors to stores; I can imagine him opening doors for me when we are walking around with canes. Instead of just dropping me off at my front door as that guy did, he insists on walking me to the front door. This requires him to find a parking spot on my street, which can be nearly impossible. But he will drive around until he finds a spot and will walk me to the door. I appreciate the fact that Christopher communicates.

The relationship I was in right before Chris was lacking in communication. It is hard when you feel like you can’t talk to the person you are dating about something because you feel they don’t want to talk to you. I appreciate the fact that when I have something to say, he listens. He doesn’t always right away jump in to “fix” the problem. He also doesn’t tune me out. Christopher has said that he likes to hear me talk, which is interesting. He is an amazing communicator and so I feel free to share my feelings and thoughts. He gives me the freedom to express myself, without ridicule or embarrassment. Which I love! I appreciate that I know where I stand with Christopher. I don’t have these thoughts of “Does he love me today”? He is constantly telling me he cares about me. I don’t have to guess at what he is feeling because he tells me. I appreciate the way he looks at me. Now, it usually makes me blush and slightly uncomfortable but only because I am not used to the way he looks at me. When Christopher looks at me, it is like I am the only one in the room and the only object that can keep his attention. When he looks at me I feel beautiful, even when I have just finished working out and I don’t necessarily feel pretty. When he looks at me, it feels like he sees exactly who I am and the facade that I have on. He is starting to read me very well, which honestly only family can do, and it kind of freaks me out. But I appreciate how in tune he is.

Phone Call that made my Day!

2009-08-03T14:07:00.005-06:00

Elder Squire called me from LAX airport. My day wasn't really going well, not bad but not good. It's Monday. Then my phone rings and YEAH it's my brother. Oh how it made my day. Crappy day may continue, though I have a better attitude, but at least there was a bright spot with in it. It was so good to hear his voice and he is so MISSIONARY. The way he talks, is missionary! He is traveling with a group of elders that are all headed to Chile. I am so proud of him. I had to control my tears because I seriously miss him. 2 years. It will go by fast.

I love to see the Temple...

2009-07-29T11:10:00.004-06:00

Last night I had the privilage of attending the Oquirrh (pronouced Oaker) Mountain Temple Open House. I attended with my Youth group. It was a lot of standing and waiting but once we went through it was wonderful. Though the Temple has not been dedicated (which is when the building is blessed and admittance is only permitted to worthy members) you still feel the love of the Lord there and His Spirit. As I walked through the Temple I felt a confirmation that our Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to be happy. It was a comfort I hadn't felt in a while and it made me excited to go to the Temple. Chris and I are actually going to go to the Temple tonight. How thankful I am for the Gospel of Jesus Christ and for His Atoning Sacrifice. I know that He is my Savior and that through Him I can see my Father in Heaven. I know that there is Plan for all of us. I am thankful for this knowledge.

For more info about the Oquirrh Mountain Temple go here.

family, friends & communication

2009-07-27T09:42:00.005-06:00

Well, this past weekend has been a busy one. This past Saturday Chris and I went to the Parental Units and hung out with my siblings. Noelle was up from St. George. It was nice to be together and spend the day.

Then Sunday my coworker, Stevie, was married to her sweetheart Jon. We went to the reception at Millcreek Inn up Millcreek Canyon. It was beautiful. Stevie look gorgeous and they looked so happy.

Also this weekend Chris and I communicated. And I am sure you all are thinking, well, that is nice. But really Chris and I are constantly trying to communicate on so many different levels and usually one of us gets upset because the communication is not working, there is break down some where.

I used to think that I was a good communicator. I deluded myself into thinking that I was always communicating in my past relationships and it was the other person's lack of communication that was causing the issues. Well, I was so wrong. Chris has taught me that. He is such a good communicator. Granted, he isn't perfect but he is so much better at expressing himself. It is like pulling teeth for me to get things out, it drives him nuts!

Well, this past weekend I felt like we had a breakthrough. At first, it wasn't working. We both got upset. We had to stop talking because we were upset. After a little while, we came back and were able to communicate our feelings and thoughts. It was great.

Marcel Proust said,

"We are healed of a suffering only by expressing it to the full."

2009-07-16T15:54:00.004-06:00

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
-Winston Churchill

Two years!

2009-06-23T08:34:00.005-06:00

Today is our two year anniversary. It has gone by so fast. Sometimes I still have to pinch myself. These two years have been some of the hardest of my life, at the same time, I wouldn't trade them for anything. How thankful I am for Christopher, for his love, support and his faith. We are best friends and a good team. We have our issues, who doesn't, but through it all he is my world.

Chris,
Thanks for marrying me!
Love,
Your wife!

My new adventure...or the new way to torture myself

2009-06-11T08:49:00.011-06:00

I have been hesitant to write this because I don't want to jinx myself but I have also been excited about this; I have decided to get into running. Now, I actually hate to run. It really is/was the bane of my existence. I think the last time I actually ran was on my high school track & field team and that was only the warm ups because I didn't participate in races, I was on field. I threw discus and shot-put. I do not run.

Well, I really have been wanting to lose weight and even though I have a gym I can go to, I don't go. I don't go because I feel like I have been inside an office building for 8 hrs and 2 1/2 hours on the bus, I don't want to go inside just to work out. Then it happened, I thought why don't I start running. That way I will be outside and working out. The fat, lazy girl in my head said "Are you kidding?! You must have lost a few brain cells, because as we all know, you do not run. You don't like it, remember?!"

Well, I have been tired and annoyed with this girl for awhile. Why can't I run? Why can't I do this for myself? Why do I hate it so much? I can lose this weight and have fun doing it!

I voiced my desire to start running to Chris. He was surprised of course but very happy and proud of me. He said that if you want to do something, you should do it the right way. So we went and bought new running shoes. I actually have never owned shoes that were designated for running. I have had tennis shoes but not shoes like this. Seriously, it is like running on air.

We went to the Runner's Corner in Orem. When we walked in, I felt like an impostor. Like I shouldn't be there. I am not a runner. Then Chris introduced me to Hawk. Hawk is the owner of the store. He had silver hair and was probably in his late 50s/early 60s, maybe he looks young. His body was rock hard, he could run circles around me. He said "Picking out shoes is like trying to find a guy to marry. You look for certain qualities in a guy. You "test drive" the guy by going on dates, getting to know him. That is what you are going to do with your shoes."

Hawk took two pairs of different shoes. He took the left shoe of one pair, put it on my left foot. He took the right shoe of the other pair and put it on my right foot. Then we went outside and he watched me run in those shoes. (he said that I had good form, which made me feel a little less weird about someone watching me run.) He said that my feet were caving inward and when I ran my feet were not straight. He asked me if I ever danced, which I did for since I was 12 & I stand usually in first position, he said that is probably why my feet aren't straight. Then Hawk got up and started pulling shoes for me to Test Drive. He pulled probably a good 7 or 8 pairs of shoes and I tried different shoes on each foot and would go out and run around it them for a minute. If I like one, I kept that pair and if I didn't like them I got rid of that pair. I did this probably 5 times.

Once I had it narrowed down to 4 pairs of shoes, I tried each pair again but this time with the full set of shoes. I would put a full set of shoes on and go run around for a minute. You don't run hard, more like a jog, but by this time I was definitely winded. I narrowed it down to two shoes. By that time I knew which one I would buy. It was weird, I didn't really need to put them on again but I did anyway. I love my shoes. I seriously feel like I am floating on air when I run. No wander I hated running, I didn't have the right shoes on. Before my shoes, it felt so labored. It's like a car with bad shocks, you feel every bump and crevice in the road. My shoes are awesome and I liked running. It was so weird to be running and not totally hating it.

Last night Chris & I went on our first run together. We went a mile. We didn't run a ton though. I figure that will take time. The only thing that did stink was my left knee, it hurt a lot but I don't really care as long as I see if it doesn't improve, I may have it looked at.

And Chris is so great because he is just happy that I am willing to this with him. He was so encouraging and if I needed to stop running and walk instead, he was like Good Job, You're doing great. He is a good trainer.

So, this in my new adventure. Maybe I am a runner after all, we will see.

Father Time

2009-06-01T10:47:00.003-06:00

This Wednesday. The day my baby brother reports to the MTC. It is coming so fast. I know that two years flies by but when you are at the beginning of those two years it seems like forever! In some ways I want to slow time. In other ways I want to speed it up and see what he becomes at the end of this experience for him. I am so excited for him. He will be an amazing missionary. He is the golden child of the family and so I am sure he will attract Golden people to teach. He is going to Santiago, Chile. He is the first to serve foreign, so that is awesome. And unless my other sister decides to go on a mission, Dan may be the last of the group to serve a mission. So much can happen in two years. I will miss him. But I wouldn't wish him to stay home just because he will be missed. He is going to learn so much and I am so proud of him for choosing to serve a mission. We were talking about it yesterday and it was two years ago that he thought he would not serve a mission, he didn't know if he had a Testimony anymore. And look at him now. See, a lot can happen in two years!

2009-06-01T10:45:00.001-06:00

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” - Anatole France

this message will self destruct in 5, 4, 3, ...

2009-05-29T10:27:00.004-06:00

Okay Ladies and Gents. I have just got to vent a little or my brain may explode. I am feeling stressed. There is so much going on this weekend, I don't feel my brain can handle it all. Today I am pulling double duty because Stevie called in. So then after work we are having family pictures taken, which requires me to get glammed up in 30 minutes, which isn't very long but I did my hair this morning and so it should be a shorter glam session. (I am such a girl.)

Christopher's father, Steve, is flying in today, though tonight he is staying at my brother-in-laws home. We are excited to see Steve; I have personally have only met him once at our Wedding, so it will be nice to get to know him better. After the family photos, I have to rush home and get things ready for the Young Women sleepover at my apt. This week I have been driving Chris crazy trying to get the apt put into some kind of order. I have had this nervous energy when I get home and I don't sit. I am running around doing things and Chris always tries to make me sit down and relax. I find that hard.

I actually right now, have that same nervous energy. But this energy is not productive, it just stresses me out. Its like I loose the ability to compartmentalize and organize my to do list and instead am just freaking out at the things I need to do. It's driving me nuts. That is why I had to write because it is helping me calm the brain and refocus. This is the part of my ADD that really bugs me.

Back to work. I am done. Kind of. I may be back for another random post if my brain threatens to explode, but I really don't have time too. And this is only today, tomorrow is packed as well, but hopefully a little more relaxing and a little less stressing. Man, I'm a freak. But that is the reason I write is to purge the freak within and to dump it into the country of the Internet. Anyway, back to work.

2009-05-28T10:14:00.000-06:00

“The sidewalk is not your path: everything else is.”

blogging slacker

2009-05-27T16:00:00.004-06:00

Well, I have been a slacker with the blog. You will just have to live with it, because I have a life you know...did I just write that?! Actually, the issue is that I don't have really very much to write about. So, you could say that I actually don't have a life because there is no evidence of it on the said blog. Well, I am here now. Here is a catch up of what has been going on...

Chris has been working for Alpine Fitness, he is an intern. He has enjoyed training clients and he has had a few complements from them. He works there in the morning every day, except Sunday and then goes to school. He is trying to keep us both healthy while I try to derail those efforts. No, not really. I appreciate him, even though I probably do not tell him that enough.

We moved in our new place. We were there three days and then had to house sit for my parents. I had an allergic reaction to something there, either the house or their dog, Lilly. I was itchy, swollen and had a nice rash on my body. It was awesome. My family went to Ohio for two weeks and I was so happy to have them come back.

We are now getting our apt. into working order. It has come a long way and I am liking how it is shaping up. We still have the office in a mess, it always seems to be the last room put together; and even then it doesn't get far. But right now you can barely walk in there. There is a path to get to the computer. It will be good to get that room organized. The new apt. is quiet. We rarely hear anything which is such a blessing, because if I had to hear another Mexican song vibrate my walls again, I think I might kill someone. I didn't think something like that would set off a rage inside me but it does. Rage. Not anger. Rage. Not pretty.

I am still working in Salt Lake. One of my many hats at work is going to be coming off here soon! We are hiring a marketing specialist/director. I will no longer have to worry or care about marketing. I have my moments where I really will miss that aspect of my job, like when we win a big project. But really I am happy pass the responsibility onto someone that knows what they are doing

We have been watching the Cavs play, and though I am used to losing sports teams, I am from Cleveland area, I am really hoping the Cavs can pull it through. I am actually praying for it, which I don't feel is something God is really thinking about what with war, famine and other important things going on; I am sure sports is right up there. But still, I keep praying. Hopefully I don't get hit by lighting.

Moving

2009-05-08T08:28:00.004-06:00

Well, we moved. It is done. We had my family and friends from our Church come and help. Now, I have moved a lot! (stopped counting at 13 moves when I was a kid) But this was the fastest move I have ever experienced. And I didn't have to do much lifting. It was awesome. So thank you to all of those that helped us. We appreciated it so much!

Now, the fun part starts, the unpacking. It actually has overwhelmed me a bit. This move we tried to be more organized. We had a system of making sure the correct box gets into the correct room. But we have so much stuff. I will happy to have a house someday, extra room. That is my dream! extra space.

We really haven't been able to actually live in our apt. because we are house sitting for my parents who are in Ohio, Lucky. They are visiting family and friends and we are sitting the house and letting their dog, lily, out to the bathroom! At first I thought, well, this will be good because then we can get things organized and put away and not have to live in the mess. But the problem is that we aren't living in the mess, so I don't have a huge motivation to put things away. I can just leave and go to the house. Also, I am over whelmed with everything, like I don't know where to start. Thank goodness Chris is here because a month from now I could very well be sitting amongst boxes without him. He is the one that has packed and unpacked more then myself. He is wonderful and I seriously don't know why he puts up with me.

Sometimes, when he looks at me in the mist of all the craziness, I see this, "Get over it and just unpack something" look. I know, I should just get over it but I am having anxiety. It doesn't help that when I was packing I packed my meds. So for a week now, I have not had anything. That messes with your brain, literally. I found them finally. So hopefully back to normal soon!

I really like the new apt. It is on a lower level, which at first kind of freaked me out. But it is growing on me. For starters, when we have groceries, we walk down five steps instead of walking up any steps. It is always easier to walk down then up. (oh, that could be a spiritual metaphor as well but then you always want to walk up:-). Of course, walking up steps can be consider exercise. So there could be a potential downfall. The kitchen is laid out a little nicer, we can fit our table in comfortably. And we have a dish washer and air conditioning. I would like to vow that I will never let dishes pile in my sink again, but I don't want to jinks myself. Overall, I am loving the new apt. and once everything is put away, life will be happier.

Happiness continued

2009-04-22T09:23:00.004-06:00

I have been thinking a lot this month about Happiness. When I get stressed, which seems like all the time, I don't focus on the Happy things. I usually focus on the negative things. So today I am going to name 5 things that make me happy. (This drives me husband nuts, which is my job, so... :-)

1. The sunshine. For the past few days it has been absolutly beautiful outside. Today it is supposed to be 80 degrees! I love spring and the sun makes me happy. I have been having cabin fever for a while now and when the sun comes out I just want to lay in it.

2. Music. I love to dance and sing and just listen to really good music. It is emotional for me. Music can change my attitude about anything.

3. My calling in Church. I am the Young Women's President (which is the Main leader over girls in ages 12-18) in my church. When my bishop asked me to be the president, I kind of was freaked out. Actually I still am. I remember being a teenager. I did NOT enjoy it. I don't like being silly on purpose and I don't have large amounts of energy. And I seriously wondered WHY the Lord would put me in a calling that I am obviously not really qualified for (which could be reason enough). Last night was YW and I was not in the mood. I have to many things going on. And for varying reasons my other counselors were not able to attend, though my secretary and my camp counselor were there, so I wasn't alone. And I have to say that I was humbled. I was humbled because I didn't want to humble myself. The girls I work with are wonderful. They have such a different outlook on life. They have a Hope that I didn't realized before. Their hope strengthens me.

4. I am thankful for my husband, Chris. He is such a support to me. He knows me better then anyone I have ever known and that includes my sisters, it seriously ticks me off sometimes. But I am so thankful that he is working hard in school, to finish and to do something that will make him happy. I am thankful he took a leap of faith. I love him!

5. Good food. Okay, this might be weird but I don't care. Today I bought a pack of small white powder donuts, six come in a pack. I ate one and threw the rest away. I am so tired of crappy food that even when I am hungry I don't want to settle. This is a break-through! I would rather cook at home then eat out. I want fruit before chocolate, most of the time. I want to be healthy and the donut it will not help me achieve that. Progress.

Yahoo!

2009-04-20T12:29:00.003-06:00

Christopher and I were sitting on the couch one evening watching TV. We were watching Bones, love this show! Anyway, there was a preview for the Terminator Salvation movie (Terminator 4). Now previously, when you would see a preview it would not have the rating of the movie, usually it would say that the movie had not been rated. Well, it finally has been rated.

As soon as the movie guy said "This movie is rate PG-13"; I heard my husband yell "yes, YAHOO!" so loud I thought I was going to be deaf. He jumped up and did a little dance, he was that excited. I, on the other hand, could care less. My life will go on, if I see this movie or not. I have only see him this excited and it was when we were in the movie theater waiting for Transformers to start and he looked like a little boy who just got the best Christmas present ever.

Now, you may wonder, why he would get so excited for PG13. Well, we don't watch rated R movies. The LDS Church teaches that rated R movies and other inappropriate movies should be avoided. There are some really great quotes about this topic at the site below: http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/art/media_inappropriate.htm

Now, when I was younger, I watched rated R movies. I loved the Matrix and I have seen the other R movies. There is also something to be said for all movie ratings, you will find crude, bad behavior in a lot of films that are not rated R. So I can't say that I won't ever watch another rated R movie again. But it is highly unlikely. Rarely have I ever been tempted by one since I decided to not watch them. Now, if the Matrix is on TV, I will watch it. I still love that movie.

Michelle & Sterling

2009-04-13T19:54:00.013-06:00

Congratulations to Michelle and Sterling. They were married in the Salt Lake City Temple for time and Eternity!! Michelle, you looked gorgeous. Sterling, Welcome to the family!

We are all so excited for you both! Thank you for letting us share your special day!

Here are some pictures of the big day!

**Side note: I was just getting the evidence, I was not the perpetrator .

Happiness

2009-04-09T17:04:00.004-06:00

What makes you happy? I am just wondering. I am currently wondering what makes me happy. There are the obvious things, my husband, my family, the Gospel, etc. But I am talking about those little/big things that we do. Whether its a hobby or a career or a habit or a dream. What makes you happy?

One of my favorite people in the world is learning to fly a plane. It makes her happy and it was a dream she had. When she told me this I was 1. really happy and excited that she is doing something so awesome and 2. wondering why I don't do more things like that. I mean, do something that makes me happy, do something I dream about. About a month or so ago, I was going to sign up for a Middle Eastern dance class (Belly dancing). I was actually really excited about it but then I got scared. I haven't danced in a long time, what if I am not any good?! I got nervous. I got stupid. I was really disappointed in myself. I need to do those type of things. The whole happiness thing.

Granted this is only a fraction of a puzzle of what makes people happy. I am looking at my life and wondering how to add Happiness. I need to remind myself. These Happy Activities are what mold and shape you to become a better , more complete person.

So what makes you happy?

Called to Serve

2009-03-19T15:14:00.008-06:00

My Baby Baby Brother (Danny Boy!) was called to the Santiago North Chile Mission! He reports to the MTC (Missionary Training Center) in June! Yeah Danny! Congratulations!
Love you!

For more information regarding LDS missions or the LDS faith, go to www.mormon.org.

Push

2009-03-07T16:36:00.003-07:00

Have you ever just knew that something was going to happen whether you were ready for it or not? That you KNEW what you needed to do, the steps you needed to take, but really, really did NOT want to. You didn't want to for whatever reason, fear or lack of cojones, you just did not want to do what you needed too.

Well, that is me right now. I need a push, I need to get on the band wagon and I know it is inevitable that I will do it. I have decided/not decided to go back to school. Now, I have been going to school on and off since I moved here in 05'. But now, I am going to sign up for classes and stay in classes until I graduate. I don't have my Associates yet and I want it. I don't think I have wanted anything this bad, but I am scared. I am scared to failure. Not necessarily that I will fail my classes because I won't, but I am just scared that I will not stick with it. That I will drop out of school again and never continue. I am scared. I am also dreading those classes that I will have to take that I could really care less about. I am kind of dreading math courses and I am dreading Math teachers who are jerks. I am scared for not understanding a course and my lazy side is thinking of all of the reports I will have write on whatever subject.

At the same time, I am thinking the end result, graduation, the sense of accomplishment. And even though I am scared and fearful of failure, I know that if I don't do this I will regret it. I have always said that I can do it later in life. But why wait? Besides, by not even trying to get done, I am already failing and that is really not good enough for me.

Wish me luck! And hopefully I can push myself to get over myself.

Thankful

2009-02-06T08:26:00.002-07:00

I am so thankful for my husband. I don't tell him enough how much he means to me. Yesterday and this morning we both were at each others throats. We just were getting on each others nerves. But this morning, he drove me to my bus stop and I was not in a good mood. I was tired and really didn't want to be out of bed and he put on some music and started to dance and sing to me. He is always doing things like that to cheer me up or make me smile. He is my best friend and I couldn' t have asked for a better man! I am just so thankful.

For Ashley

2009-02-04T18:39:00.002-07:00

My sister did my hair for my wedding. So if you want to hire her for your wedding, here is a few pictures of what she can do!
Love ya Ash!

the weighty issue

2009-02-04T07:41:00.004-07:00

Today, I hit the snooze button on my alarm a million times this morning. I am supposed to get out of bed at 5 am. I just can't seem to go to bed at a normal time. Now, going to bed after 9 pm may not seem like a huge thing to people but if you have ever had to get up early, every day, you know how much sleep you need to function the next day. Even as I am sitting here typing I have my eyes closed. I am exhausted. Really it is my own fault. But then I also get jealous of my husband who can stay in bed until 8 am. Tonight I hope to make it an early night.

This past Monday, I went to the gym and was on an elliptical machine for about 30 minutes and then road the bike for 15 minutes. It kicked my bum. It also felt good. I am at a point in my life that I am tired of making excuses. Either I get up off my duff and will lose weight OR I can sit around, doing nothing about something that makes me unhappy. I have also been eating smaller portions. I KNOW I can do this. I know what I am capable of, I just have the devil on my shoulder talking the negative talk. I usually ignore him. OR sometimes I actually talk out loud to myself. People may think I am a crazy lady but sometimes it is the only thing that can compete with the thoughts in my head. I will sit there with food in front of me and tell myself that I am done. That I want to be finished, that I am full. OR if I am tempted by the many donuts and bagels that Lighting Reps bring to the office, I sit and tell myself that I am actually not hungry and so I don't need to have a donut. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but at least I am making an effort. I am beginning to remember what it feels like to be full. Not the feeling of I am About To Explode. But the feeling of contentment. The feeling of comfortable. It is nice. I use food as a comforter and I have always done that. It is easier to just stuff my face then to face a reality. I AM SO OVER THAT! I rather be present, look and feel wonderful then be miserable. I honestly can say I don't think I have felt this motivated about being healthy in my whole life. I am relying on myself and actually having confidence that I can do this. Most of my life I have been told or more accurately told myself that I couldn't lose weight, that it runs the family and really I was fighting a loosing battle. Those are just excuses. Yes, I may have a gene that makes me more prone to weight gain but that doesn't mean I get to sit around doing nothing. It also doesn't free me from my responsibility to myself and family to healthy.

My goal for this year to lose all of my weight and get to my Ideal weight of 165 lbs. I have sixty pounds to lose. Now, I am being very honest and open on here because I feel like if I am public with this, I will be motivated more. It scares me that you know how much I weigh, and it is a little embarrassing because you also know by how much I let myself go. I may blog more about this, or about cravings or you name it. I have always been afraid to write my goals out somewhere, because what if I fail? What if I totally blow it? I would rather not fail, so I don't even try, which is a failure in of itself. SO hopefully you don't think I am crazy.

The Fork

2009-01-30T08:58:00.002-07:00

i am standing at a fork in my road.

do i go left, do i go right, do i go straight?

feelings of pressure, all self inflicted.
different avenues.
different opportunity.
different lessons to be learned.
all standing in front of me

where do i go, where do i need to go, where is the assurance?

there is none.

taking that step; step of faith, step of trust, step of fidelity, step of confidence.
all paths good.
all paths uncertain and scarey.
all paths lead to Him.

what am i so afraid of?

fear of failure.
fear of success.
aren't they with the same family of fear?

multiple emotions,overpowering the end decision

i am staring at a fork in my road.

though i am not alone, i am.
though i am not walking this alone, this resolution is for myself.
i must have courage to select

i close my eyes, but not my heart.

i walk.

Exhausted & Ticked

2009-01-28T07:53:00.006-07:00

So yesterday was not a bad day. It just ended badly. So, I had YW's and Chris was at school. I picked him up around 9 pm and we went home. Currently, we live in a four-plex that is on a dead end street. When we arrived at home there was only one parking space available in front of our apt. USUALLY this spot is used by the Mexican family that lives next to us. They were not home, so I parked there. Well, at about 10 pm we get a knock on the door but we choose to ignore it. We are in bed people, Come back later! It's our neighbor and they call the police. We decide to answer the door. In a nut shell they want us to move our car. Are you kidding me?!! You got me out of bed for this?!

Okay, let me break down the "rules" for parking in our area. 1. First come, First served. Period. There are no assigned parking spaces. 2. if you have two cars, you are only supposed to park one in the street and then the other is to go behind the building.

I am still so ticked about this that even this morning I am in a confrontational mood. Who do they think they are? They wanted us to move our car so they could park in their "space". Why am I having this conversation? Why am I even out of bed? And I then lost more sleep because I was just so ticked! Our conversation was interesting. The lady only speaks a little English so her son had to translate. She asks to speak to me. I think she was intimidated by Chris. Chris said no but he was actually doing her a favor because if I was the one speaking to her....she would regret asking for me.

This is not even supposed to be an issue. You park were you can find a space. Case closed.

We already have issues with these neighbors because they are so inconsiderate. Then we have the neighbors across the fence that are inconsiderate, with their music. I am at a point that I want to move to a new apt. preferably a house, but in reality it will be another apt. I am hating apts more and more. I just want to scream. SO TIRED OF IT ALL! The crying babies below us and their dad yelling at them to shut up! The same guy snoring so loud that it wakes me up at night (I almost hit Chris to stop him for "Snoring" until I realized it was the guy below us!). The Mexicans on all sides of us, blarring their music into the morning (the other day 3 am!). Seriously, I am exhausted and I get up at 5 am every morning. I feel like I am running around in circles. Someone shoot me or better yet, shoot the car stereos next door.

Not what you are thinking...

2009-01-21T09:57:00.005-07:00

Okay, I know what you're thinking! Don't even say it. I was bored. Nothing more. So for those that are thinking, wow, she must be baby hungry, or wow, she must be having a kid. STOP. IT. I was purely bored. I have to admit, that the "baby" is kind of cute.

Okay, so I was on a friends blog and she had this website, MakeMeBabies.com

I was bored and decided to take a look. I mean, one day I will have a kid and I love my husband so I am kind of curious of what my future kid could look like. It is really kind of cool. They call it Baby Morphing. You just load a picture of yourself and honey, OR you can do celebrities or friends, and they give you a picture of your "Baby". You also have to name the "baby" but I just named it Future. Because really, it is just for fun.

Now, I know this is probably torture for those that are wanting me to have a baby, aka my mom.Don't get your hopes up. If you want you can frame it and pretend until the real thing comes along. ;-) though that may not be healthy mentally. :-)

27

2009-01-19T12:31:00.003-07:00

This weekend, Saturday to be exact, I celebrated my 27th birthday. This weekend was an interesting one. I remember when I was young and I would look at my baby sitters or cousins that were older and I would think, Man I can't wait until I turn 20 years old! Now I am 27. I don't feel any different. It's like when you weren't allowed to date until you were sixteen, so you thought "WOW I will have so many dates when I become sixteen. The boys will be knocking down my door. " Then when you turn sixteen you realized that there is no big moment. There is no line of guys on your door step. Nothing had changed. In fact, you end up not really dating until you are in college! Nothing has changed. I am just a year older. Oh, and I have a lot more candles on my cake.

Slacker

2009-01-08T14:25:00.002-07:00

Well, I have been a slacker. My To Do List is so big and I have been a slacker on the blog. Tonight, I have New Beginnings (do you remember new beginnings?), so I won't be able to post tonight. Hopefully, I can get my act together.

2008-12-24T08:48:00.002-07:00

We wish you a Happy Christmas!

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

Luke 2:11

the countdown...

2008-12-22T07:59:00.001-07:00

Christmas is almost here! Are you ready!? I love Christmas, it really is my favorite time of year!

Have a Happy Christmas and a Wonderful New Year!

I am so bored

2008-12-19T12:46:00.004-07:00

Today, I got on the bus and picked a really good seat. One that had enough leg room and one that was still in the front but not to far in the front that I would feel the air every time the door would open. It was a great seat. Now I have a new bus driver. A nice man who has an accent of some kind. Well, as I sat down and was playing my phone I hear in a singing voice "University and University Parkway". I thought maybe I didn't hear him right. Did he really just sing the stop information? He did, and at every stop he would sing the stop. It was kind of charming.

Have you ever seen the Dancing Cop from Providence, Rhode Island? The Cop got bored, so he started to add a little flare to directing traffic. That is what I think my bus driver was, Bored and decided to have some fun with his job. I think that is great! I will let you in on a little secret. When I am bored, I usually dance at work. I will turn on music and I will start dancing. When I was up front I would just dance in my seat, or if everyone was in a meeting or something then I would get up and dance around. But now that I have an office and I can shut my door, I totally get up and dance around. I love it. It makes me happy and then that happiness translates into my work. I think everyone should have something that snapes some "flare" into their day. It keeps you from going crazy!

I remembered...

2008-12-18T12:08:00.004-07:00

Okay, I remember what I wanted to write before. I have been thinking a lot lately of all the blessings in my life. I mean, I have a great life. The struggles I have are really not hard, at least I try to tell myself that when I am in the mist of them. I have so many blessings. So, I am continuing my Gratitude Journal post from September. There may be double entries, but really I am still thankful for all these things. I find that when I write the things that I am thankful for, especially if I am in a bad mood, I am happier and I feel the Lord's Spirit. So here goes...I am thankful for...

Christopher, the best husband in the world!
My family, they may drive me crazy but I just drive them crazy, so we are even! ;-P
My job
Public transportation
My apt.
My Young Women
My YW Counselors! Couldn't do it without them!
My friends.
The knowledge that I am a Daughter of God.
My own office!
Peanut M&M's
Snow, it makes the world pretty
To Do Lists
In-door Plumbing.
My Jacket and Green Scarf.
My glasses and contacts.
My body.
Common Sense, you would think everyone would have Common Sense, but sadly I meet people everyday that really don't!
Kalachki's (Hungarian Cookies) SO GOOD! I am making some tonight. I will post a picture for those that don't know what they are missing!
Humor, the ability to laugh out loud!
Smiles, they add face value! :-)
Music
The ability to sing well, I don't possess this but I am thankful that others do.
Graham Crackers
Fresh air
the scriptures, I am learning to love them again. (Don't ask what again means.)
my ergonomic key board.
tissues and hand sanitizer.
Another day to live my life.
my nap on the bus, in the morning & in the afternoon.
I am not a prude. :-D
My sisters.
The Gospel of Jesus Christ.
His Atonement.

One minute I am thinking, the next I forget...

2008-12-18T12:05:00.001-07:00

Well, when I came to post an entry, I totally forgot what I wanted to write. I have been racking my brain and there is nothing. Nada. That seems to happen a lot. hmmmm.

Stud

2008-12-15T12:57:00.002-07:00

I just want to say how thankful I am of my husband! I am so lucky to have such a stud! :-)

He is so good to me and supports me in all that I do. Thanks babe! You rock!

2008-12-11T13:15:00.002-07:00

I have been looking for this quote for a long time. I first heard this quote at church but the person speaking paraphrased it and couldn't remember who originally said it. I have since been looking for it. I finally found it. I love this quote. It helps me to remember that everyone has a story and everyone has a piece of humanity within them. That they are my brother or sister and I need to look at them that way.

If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life, sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

2008-12-11T12:56:00.000-07:00

God Himself, sir, does not propose to judge a man until his life is over. Why should you and I? - Samuel Johnson

open mouth, insert foot

2008-12-09T11:44:00.002-07:00

You ever have that moment of opening your mouth and saying something completely wrong, out of place, inappropriate, rude, etc. You later have to use the jaws of life to get your foot out of your mouth. Well, I have had that experience. On the degree of foot-inserting, I would say a 3. Not really bad. But bad enough that I can't stop thinking about it and am loosing sleep. Letting things like that go are so hard for me. I torture myself. It is not healthy. Anyway, here is to choking on my foot and getting over it to swallow.

KGE Christmas Tree

2008-12-05T15:01:00.009-07:00

Today, my co-worker, Paris and I went to get our Company Christmas Tree. Last year we had a real tree but this year for many reasons we opted for a fake tree. So, I went shopping online and found a nice pre-lit tree. The picture online didn't do justice to the tree. It had reall nice lights and it also had berries and pinecones on it, to make it look "real". It was perfect. The only thing is Paris has a small car. Like a mini car! And the tree box was huge. Well, we came up with a solution. I sat in the back with the tree. I sat on metal and had my head tilted to one side. I always thought I had a cushy bum but I realized, by sitting metal, that I don't have much junk in the trunk! Anyway, I may have a kink in my neck but it was worth it!

So, then I decided to put the tree up. Everyone was either out to lunch or in the lunch training that was being held and I was bored. So, I started to put the tree up. Well, needless to say, I have cuts all over my arms and hands from this tree. It drew blood. The things I go through for the office to look good! :-)

By the time I was finished putting the tree together, the lunch meeting was over and my boss, Ken helped me put the decorations on the tree. It was fun. I am totally biased when I say, the tree looks good. But judge for yourself.

Aleksandar admiring the tree.

Stevie, trying out for the Price is Right! Doesn't she look cute folks?! Where is Drew Carey when you need him?! ;-)

Thanksgiving + the Weekend

2008-12-01T10:37:00.006-07:00

Thanksgiving was great. Darlene, my mother-in-law, and Chris' grandma came down from Idaho and spent three days with us. It was a lot of fun. For Thanksgiving Day, we went to my parents home. The Price family, Norman Price is my dad's cousin, came as well. It was so fun. Below are some random pictures from that day.

Then on Friday, Christopher, Darlene, Grandma and I set up our Christmas Tree. Chris and I are firm believers that nothing involving Christmas gets wall time until after Thanksgiving. So we set up the tree, which is actually our first tree. Last year we were in Idaho for Christmas and so we didn't really set anything up except this 4 ft table tree. It was pathetic, but kind of cute. But this year we bought a tree at Walmart and hopefully it will last us a few years. It is about 6 ft and is pre-lite, which is wonderful. Here is the finished product. We like it.

And then on Saturday, I played Martha Stewart and made a wreath for our front door. I have never made a wreath in my life and considered just buying one. The thing is, already-made wreaths are so expensive. I didn't want to spend $30. I am cheap what can I say. So, I decided to be crafty and make my own. I think it looks okay, nothing special but definitely cheaper then what I possibly would have to spend. The blank wreath was $5 and then all of the decorations were between $.50 to a $1. It was a lot of fun to make minus the glue-gun burn! Here is a picture! (sorry my camera really stinks and so all of the pictures are not the best)

I hope your holiday was a great one!

Turkey Day

2008-11-27T08:00:00.004-07:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

There are so many things to be thankful for. I love the holidays and the change it brings in people, for good or bad. I especially love the Spirit of the Holidays. It feels like the Spirit of the Lord is felt by everyone. Hearts are softer.

Anyway, the one thing that I vow to not include in my Thanksgiving holiday is the stress that can come from the Holidays. I am going to enjoy myself. People stress over so many unnecessary things and really those things do not matter.

Let us all breath. Enjoy the Day.

Brain Freeze

2008-11-20T14:29:00.002-07:00

My brain hurts. I am thinking too much. Now that may seem like a really stupid way to descibe my headache but think about it. Have you ever studied a subject in school so much that your brain is overloaded? Or ran around is circles and got dizzy? Or had an ice cream brain freeze? Well, combine all of those and that is what my head feels like. I feel like I have so much to do and so little time to accomplish these tasks that I am frustrated and my head is taking the brunt of it. I figure this feeling will continue until my brain crashes and then it will shut down. Fabulous right?!!

Tag, your it! 8 is great!

2008-11-19T08:49:00.002-07:00

This is acutally my first tag! Thanks Jordan! :-)

8 IS GREAT!!!

8 TV Shows that I love to watch:
1. One Tree Hill
2. Smallville
3. What not to wear
4. Chuck
5. Jon & Kate plus 8
6. Meet the Press
7. Ghost Whisperer
8. Say yes to the Dress

8 Things that happened to me yesterday:
1. Woke up at 5 am :-P
2. Processed payroll, it went off without a hitch!
3. Recieved a call from my friend Amelia
4. Got a headache from all of the work that I am still trying to catch up on.
5. Met with the old YW presidency to get the low-down on everything
6. Talked with Chelsie and Lexie at Mutual
7. Tied blankets for an eagle scout project
8. Fell asleep reading

8 Favorite places to eat:
1. Noodles and Company
2. Panda Express
3. Pei Wei
4. Rumbi Island
5. My own kitchen
6. Brick Oven
7. Los Hermano's (yes, it's a mexican place I like)
8. Jason's Deli

8 things I am looking forward to:
1. Having kids - SOMEDAY!
2. Seeing my sister.
3. Getting my hair done by my sister! Thanks Ashes!
4. Christmas!!!
5. Seeing my brother's this weekend.
7. the weekend
8. my afternoon nap on the bus! ;-)

8 things on my wish list:
1. a Healthy Winter
2. That Chris does some or all of the dishes!
3. To lose more weight
4. A new wardrobe
5. A house of my own
6. More understanding of others
7. to feel appreciated
8. To better appreciate what I have

8 people I tag!
1. Angie
2. Crystal
3. Christopher
4. Steph
5. Merridy
6. Sandra S.
7. Heidi
8. Jane

On this Day...

2008-11-19T08:08:00.004-07:00

On Nov. 19, 1863, President Abraham Lincoln delivered the Gettysburg Address as he dedicated a national cemetery at the site of the Civil War battlefield in Pennsylvania.

Gettysburg Address:

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

In Humility, Our Savior

2008-11-16T20:34:00.005-07:00

Today I was called to be the Young Women's President. I stood and was sustained (which is when the congregation signifies their support by raising their hands). I started to get nervous, knowing it was coming, that the Bishop was going to ask me and my counselors to stand and be recognized. As I stood I didn't really shake. After, the congregation sang the Hymn, In Humility, Our Savior.

Grant thy Spirit here, we pray,

As we bless the bread and water In thy name this holy day. Let me not forget, O Savior, Thou didst bleed and die for me When thy heart was stilled and broken On the cross at Calvary.

Fill our hearts with sweet forgiving;

Teach us tolerance and love. Let our prayers find access to thee In thy holy courts above. Then, when we have proven worthy Of thy sacrifice divine, Lord, let us regain they presence; Let thy glory round us shine.

As I sang I started to shake and cry. The words of the hymn were so powerful. So sweet and simple. It drove home to me the new calling I was given and the responsibility I have to the Lord. My counselors are sweet sisters. I actually didn't personally know two of them. As my counselors stood to be recognized I received a confirmation of the their callings. These sisters are the women the Lord wanted.

I am completely overwhelmed and totally Humbled. I feel inept and unqualified but the Lord chose me. That is confidence enough.

D&C 105

36 And it shall be manifest unto my servant, by the voice of the Spirit, those that are chosen; and they shall be sanctified;

37 And inasmuch as they follow the counsel which they receive, they shall have power after many days to accomplish all things pertaining to Zion.

So many things...not enough brain

2008-11-14T09:59:00.009-07:00

I have so many things going on in my brain. It is kind of making me sick. So I thought for a little relief I would share them and hopefully the ADD would settle down!

I have kind of been out of the loop. I had the Flu for the passed 4 - 5 days. I didn't like it. It was horrible. I can't remember the last time I was this sick. I even passed out for a few seconds. Anyway, a friend brought over some soup and bread. She also brought over Chocolat and The Sandlot! She is awesome! Thanks KB! Then two days after I initially got the flu, Chris gets sick. So we just stayed home, in bed and ate soup. We are doing better, though we still have headaches and I have to be careful of what I eat. My stomach is being picky, which is fine.

Another thing that has made me sick, is the response people have given because of Prop 8. I am sick about it. I just don't understand how people can ask for equality and tolerance and then be so hypocritical. The SLC Temple recieved an envelope yesterday with a white substance in it. The Temple was on lock down for more then an hour and the FBI came to investigate. There were other Temples that recieved envelopes like these, also other religions organizations in California recieved envelopes as well. What is wrong with people! The FBI is now looking into these situations, but really WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE! The FBI said that it was undoubtedly related to the Prop. 8 issue. The whole Prop 8 issue is making me upset and sick. To me it's the beginning of the end.

On a happier note, my cousin Bill got married last weekend and my cousin Alisha, who is married to Rob S., is pregnant! She is due in the summer! Congratulations you guys!

Also, on a happier note, I got gas for $21! I can't believe it! I was doing a dance at the gas pump and people started to stare.

Also, the weather here in Utah today is gorgous. It really makes it hard to be at work! Not helping the ADD.

On a more spiritual note, I had this thought today. Hopefully, I will be able to express it. I had an "Ah Ha!" moment. I drove to work today and as I was driving I was looking at the sun rise and I thought about the things that are going on in my life. I have been having a problem with revelation, or better put, communication with my Father. I have had the hardest time. I don't fully understand things that happen and I turn to Him but then get a totally different answer. I just don't get it. Maybe you don't get it either. I just don't like being confused and recently have been so confused. There are so many Why's. I just needed to be taught and told and I was getting nothing. Then I thought, well, what am I doing wrong? What have I not done? What could I do differently? Etc. Then this morning, with the sun rising out behind the mountains and the clear blue sky (and the angels singing in the background ;-P ), I realized I needed to be patient. Then I thought, The Lord is always telling me to be Patient! Ugh!

So I am going to be patient, even if it kills me. And well, it just might!